Cheating is much more complicated than people seem to realize. Contrary to popular belief, not being in love with your spouse is often not the reason for having an affair. People cheat for all sorts of reasons, and most marriages manage to survive the ordeal. If the question on your mind is ‘Will my husband ever forgive me for cheating?’, then I will help you understand why he will.
Cheating in a marriage can be forgiven. It mainly depends on the person who cheated to make up for their mistake and seek forgiveness. With proper communication and help, it is possible for your spouse to get over your affair and forgive you. However, infidelity is something that requires time to come to terms with. As such, it may be a while before your husband contemplates forgiveness.
Let’s start by looking at why forgiveness is still possible even after your affair.
Can a Man Ever Forgive Infidelity
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When wives ask the question of will my husband ever forgive me for cheating, they often only tend to think about themselves. I mean that in a good way. They think about what they have done and how they might have destroyed their marriage.
They forget that their husband also has something to lose if they get divorced. You got married because you were in love, and your husband’s life is intertwined with you at this point. As such, he has his own reasons for wanting to stay with you.
That said, he will be immensely hurt that you have been with someone else and may feel like divorce is the only way to salvage his pride. It is up to you to remind him of what he stands to lose in the case of a divorce. Here are some reasons why your husband might be willing to forgive you for cheating on him:
He Knows That You May Still Love Him
Love is the main reason people get married. Despite your infidelity, your husband still knows that your feelings for him could be as strong as they were when you got married.
If there is a chance that your marriage could return to the way it once was, he would be willing to eventually forgive you. If you can provide him with the warmth and companionship that he deserves, you could quicken this process.
It is also important to speak to each other openly and honestly. Learn to ask the right questions. Let him know that you care about him. When you tell him that you love him, don’t just say ‘I love you’, but tell him why. Tell him what it is about him that makes you appreciate him and makes you sorry for your infidelity.
Marriage can take its toll on people and lead them towards an affair. Whatever your reasons were for cheating on your husband, convincing him that you still love him and you will do whatever it takes to get your marriage back on track is the best way to make him forgive you.
He Cares About the Children
Divorce is harder on children than on anybody else. Your husband may be willing to give you another chance because he wants to do what’s best for your kids.
Make sure that he realizes just how important it is for the two of you to stay together. Being the best mother that you possibly can make him see that you haven’t given up on the family. Getting the family together for a day out (or a vacation) can be a great way to reconnect with your husband.
In general, make yourself indispensable to the family. When he sees you making the effort to make sure you do what’s best for everyone, he will be willing to forgive you much sooner.
He Sees Your Pain
Just because he is angry at the fact that you were cheating on him, doesn’t mean he is impervious to your pain.
If you do everything you can to apologize to him, he will see how your affair is torturing you. He will obviously never be able to think positively about your infidelity. He will, however, be able to see the havoc it has wreaked on you mentally and emotionally though.
Seeing you so eager to make up for your mistakes will be the key to making him forgive you. How can you show him that you are sorry and want to save your marriage? Let’s take a look!
How to Get His Forgiveness and Win His Trust Back
By now, you should know that the question to ask is not ‘Will my husband ever forgive me for cheating?’. Rather, it should be ‘How to get my husband to forgive me for cheating?’.
Remember that no matter how hard you try, it will take time before your husband forgives you. Make sure that you stick to it and don’t give up on your marriage.
Tell Him Why His Marriage is Worth Saving
The two of you will obviously have talked about your infidelity. If you haven’t, you will. When it comes to whether or not he should divorce you, you should try to tell him why he only stands to benefit if he stays with you.
I have previously discussed why your marriage is worth saving. You should go over it to prepare for the conversation. In fact, it might be better if you convince your husband to go through the article itself.
Often, we can lose ourselves in the heat of the moment and stop thinking about the bigger picture. Your husband will have trouble recognizing all the good aspects of his relationship with you. This is because all he will be able to think about is that you were cheating on him.
If you can explain to him just how much his life is better because he is married to you, he may be able to see why he should move past your mistake.
Fully Admit Your Mistake
The worst thing you can do is try to blame your husband for what you did. Cheaters blame their spouses as a way to avoid thoughts that would cause them discomfort.
While you should definitely discuss his actions that led you to infidelity, the time for that comes afterward. Once the two of you have decided to stay together and you have been forgiven, then you can discuss what went wrong and how the two of you should act differently.
Until then, you must take the blame for cheating on him.
Reassure Him, Constantly!
Once a person has been hurt by their spouse, it is difficult for them to trust their spouse. You may not know this, but your husband is probably looking for constant reassurances that you will never cheat on him again.
There is a stigma attached to cheating that those who cheat once are likely to cheat again. In my experience, this is not true. While a small percentage of people are serial cheaters who cannot restrain themselves, most people immediately regret cheating and never cheat again.
It is important that you help restore his trust in you. Constantly reassuring him that it will never happen again is a good way to do that. The best time to reassure him is whenever you are talking about your marriage, your affair, or your future. Make it obvious how sorry you are, and make promises to him that this was a one-time thing.
Bear His Outbursts
Unfortunately, the road to recovery is never constant. There will be many ups and downs as you move toward better days. Some days, your husband may be understanding and do everything he can to try and work things out. Other days, he may be fuming at the thought that you cheated on him and give you a verbal lashing.
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do here but be an understanding wife. When he is willing to work with you, spend that time productively. When he is angry, try to comfort him and freely admit that you are to blame.
His behavior will improve over time. The anger will subside and his outbursts will occur less often. If they don’t and he gets angrier as time passes by, then he may never be able to accept your infidelity. In that case, it might be best for you to consider divorce.
Throughout your recovery, it is best that the two of you have someone to talk to. I would recommend that you seek professional help. An experienced therapist will have counseled countless couples before you who were going through the exact same thing.
They will be able to understand what both of you are going through. They will not only be able to help your husband come to terms with your affair, but they will also help the two of you reconnect once again.
Ideally, you should still visit a couples counselor even after you feel that your husband has forgiven you. Even once your marriage has been saved, there is still a lot of distrust and untapped emotion that your husband will need to deal with. You will also need some help to adjust to the new nature of your relationship with him. Having professional help to guide you will help rebuild your marriage faster.
If you don’t want to consider getting a professional’s opinion, you can also consult your friends. If there are people that are close enough to both of you to talk openly, contact them. Couples who have been through something similar could be of immense help as well.
The point here is to not go through it alone. Make things as easy for you as you possibly can because recovering from an ordeal like this will require a lot of effort. Hopefully, your husband learns to let go of his anger and forgive you in due time.