That’s a tough question. What is my husband hiding on his phone? Are they talking to his ex? Looking at someone else? Swiping through Tinder? Or are they just checking the latest football scores? How do you figure it out?
To play devil’s advocate first of all: More and more our personal lives are living on our phones. Your husband might not be hiding anything on his phone but some signs are cause for alarm.
Our first goal should be to try and figure out if there’s a problem here, without causing one. The first step should be seeing if they’re open to the idea of sharing their phone and we (hopefully) do that by creating a shared phone environment.
If you suspect there’s a real problem in your marriage and are trying to get out ahead of it take a moment and take the marriage assessment quiz. The more specific we can get, the quicker we can get things back on track.
Create a Shared Phone Environment
If you want to know what he’s hiding on his phone then you’re going to need to be alright with him being on your phone as well. This is a two-way street. My husband and I have done this from the start which made it easier but if this isn’t the norm for you – we can start to take some baby steps to get there.
I really don’t suggest ‘accidentally’ taking his phone by mistake or forcing the issue unless you have real cause to do so. Slower steps towards making this normal is far better than causing a problem to get a peek.
To begin with, get him on your phone. These can be small easy steps:
- Show him something funny or interesting by handing him your phone and continuing about your business leaving him with it.
- If you have your hands full with something ask him to use your phone to check something or start a call.
- If you’re speaking to a mutual friend or a family member then pass him your phone to speak to that person.
The more you do this the more normal it is for him to be on your phone.
Then, we want to make it normal for you to be on his phone.
- Ask him to show you something (a message from a mutual friend or a photo they’re laughing at) and hold the phone before passing it back.
- If he’s speaking to mutual friends ask if you can say hi for a moment – then pass it back.
- If you need to make a call and your phone is in another room or you’ve forgotten it, ask to use his – then pass it back.
Again, this starts to make it normal for you to be on his phone but you’re not trying to quickly skim through all of his apps – pass him the phone back once you’re done every time.
If this isn’t normal for you then it might take a while but chances are – if it becomes normal for the two of you to share a cell phone openly he’s not going to be hiding anything on there.
Spying on His Phone
Do you really want to know what’s on his phone?
I have covered using an app to spy on a spouse’s phone (and the apps you can use) in the past. Apps like these can give you complete access to his phone so you can see exactly what he’s hiding.
Keep in mind this is not my first port of call. In some countries, it’s a breach of law (don’t do this) but in all cases, it’s a breach of trust. If you don’t have a real reason to think your husband is cheating then this is just going to put more strain on your marriage if they find out.
My Husband is Secretive With His Phone
If he’s not at all receptive to sharing phones openly then there might be a reason. This isn’t necessarily a sign that they’re having an affair. He’s a guy so there might be that there’s no actual reason or it could be that he’s looking at something embarrassing but not actually harmful.
Maybe he’s dealing with problems at work and trying not to worry you. Maybe he’s booking a romantic weekend for the two of you. Heck, he might even be on here looking for advice on improving your marriage.
But, yes, there might be something more worrying here too. Let’s look at some signs which suggest a real problem.
How Do You Know if Your Husband is Hiding Something?
These are signs that are more worrying and could be a sign of cheating.
He Deletes His calls or Messages
Unless he thinks the FBI is spying on him or he genuinely is booking the two of you a romantic holiday there is no reason for him to be deleting his calls.
Unless he has a very specific reason like maybe it’s a work phone his boss is checking for personal calls (and even that’s a stretch) then deleting calls means he’s hiding these calls from you. A call to the cell phone company can probably provide you a list of the numbers called but obviously deleted instant messages are trickier.
Strange Names, Messages and Unknown Numbers
Another blatantly obvious one.
Unless your husband really is James Bond then finding strange text messages at odd hours of the night is not a great sign. I’ve seen cheating spouses create some fairly elaborate systems of arranging times and dates with just emoticons.
Whispering on Calls Or Taking Them Away
If it’s before 8 AM or you haven’t had your coffee yet, maybe he’s just being considerate. But when a man hides his phone and doesn’t want you to hear what he’s talking about there’s a problem here.
It’s a common courtesy to take your phone to another room or something for a call. He might not want to speak over your movie or argue with his boss while you’re relaxing. The issue arises when he’s obviously trying to conceal what he’s talking about.
If he instantly hangs up when you come near, for example.
Again, don’t instantly jump to the worst if this is the only sign. It might be he has a good reason for hiding something from you. But it’s not great.
Uses Hidden Messages or Changes Passwords
Some apps allow a ‘hidden messages’ feature which is password protected.
Again, there are no real reasons to use something like this. The common one I have heard from cheating partners is: It’s in case my phone is stolen but a simple screen lock would do the same thing. If he’s hiding messages, he’s hiding them from someone and considering you’re here – he’s hiding it from you.
If he doesn’t know how to use hidden messages he might just change his password so you no longer know it. Again, this can be done with the excuse “it’s for security” but that’s a bit of a red flag. Who really changes their password without good reason?
He Doesn’t Want You to Call Him
It might not be that he’s hiding an affair on his phone from you. Sometimes he’s also trying to hide you from the other woman.
If he doesn’t want you to call his phone when he’s out, there better be a good reason otherwise he doesn’t want your face popping up on the screen for someone else to see.