There are many signs that point to your marriage being in dire straits. When you start asking yourself ‘Why does my husband ignore me?’, it is never a good sign. This is because your marriage has come to a point where he does not even bother to even argue with you. Thankfully, there are ways out of this.
Just because your husband ignores you, does not mean that he no longer has feelings for you. There could be many reasons he is giving you the silent treatment. We will explore all of them in detail here. We will also guide you through the process of getting your communication right once again.
Let’s start by taking a look at emotional abandonment in a marriage. After that, we will look at a few common reasons husbands ignore their wives. Lastly, we will tell you the solution to your problem.
If you’re dealing with this in your own marriage make sure you take the marriage assessment quiz. The quicker we focus on your marriage, the quicker we can get things back on track.
What is Emotional Abandonment in a Marriage?
Emotional abandonment occurs when communication between your husband and you completely ceases. This does not necessarily mean that you stop talking to each other. For example, you may still talk about your finances. However, emotional abandonment usually leads to a husband and wife having no intimacy at all on an emotional level.
Married couples can emotionally detach from each other and not even know. They might still behave as any married couple would, have regular sex, and take perfectly good care of their children. However, they will not share with each other nearly as much as they used to.
There are a few common signs that point to there being no emotional connection between you and your husband anymore. Here are some of the most common ones:
- Your husband stops talking about his problems with you.
- Your husband is never interested in hearing what you have to say unless it relates directly to him.
- He avoids activities that would require the two of you to have longer conversations.
- The things that you did to make him happy no longer seem to do the trick.
Simply put, if you are unable to make him happy no matter how hard you try, chances are that he has emotionally abandoned you.
Why do Husbands Ignore Their Wives?
There could be many reasons why he is ignoring you. Let’s take a look at some of the most common ones. I would advise you to think about each of them individually and see which ones apply to you.
You Did Something Wrong And he Knows
This is the most obvious one that comes to mind. This is often true when your marriage was going perfectly up to a certain point, but his attitude changed all of a sudden.
If you are aware of a mistake that you have made recently that you were trying to hide from him, there is a chance that he knows about it now. For example, if you cheated on him, it is possible that he found out. It may not necessarily be something as grave as this. It could be that he didn’t like the way you treated him in front of his friends. Or, you said something to him in the heat of the moment that hurt him deeply.
If it was something small, chances are that he will get over it pretty soon and return to normal. At worst, there may be a fight between the two of you, or he may find a way to get back at you somehow. If your husband keeps on ignoring you, it could be that you have angered him in a pretty big way (or there could be another reason for his behavior).
He Did Something That he Feels Guilty About
It is also possible that your husband did something that he feels guilty about. Here, the chances of his mistake being small are slim. If he is ignoring you, he has probably done something that has made him ashamed of talking to you.
This may not always mean that he is cheating on you. For example, it could be that he has dabbled into your joint savings account to buy something expensive for himself.
If you think this is why he is ignoring you, then he needs your support now more than ever. Of course, if he did cheat on you, then he is to blame. However, I have seen a large percentage of couples save their marriage even after one of them cheats. As long as that person is willing to accept the blame and make up for his betrayal, it is possible for the two of you to heal.
He Has Given up on His Marriage But Does Not Want a Divorce
If your marriage has been having problems for a while, then it is possible that your husband has just given up. This could be a serious problem, as it is very difficult to save a marriage once someone decides that it isn’t worth saving.
There are many reasons why people in this situation do not want to end their marriage. These reasons include finances, children, and the fear of starting over.
It is still possible to recover from this, of course. Even if your husband is giving you the silent treatment because he is simply done with you, you can still rekindle the flame of your marriage. Convincing him to get couples therapy may be the right thing to do here, as a therapist can help dissect the roots of your issues with each other.
He Has Other Problems That he Does Not Want to Share
If your husband ignores you and you cannot figure out why then this may be it. It is entirely possible that he is ignoring you because of reasons unrelated to you. He could simply have so much on his mind that his lack of focus on his marriage is being interpreted as him ignoring you.
When your husband ignores you for no reason, it is best to give him some space for a while. You could also offer to help him with his issues. This is something that we discuss in the next section.
How do You Deal With an Ignoring Husband?
Just because you have lost your emotional connection with your husband doesn’t mean that you cannot restore it. You got married because you were in love, and it is possible for you to fall in love all over again. This is because while people change, their intrinsic values do not.
If your husband has been ignoring you for a significant time, then your issues run a lot deeper than you realize. In that case, I would recommend counseling. However, there are things you can do on your own to get your husband to stop ignoring you. Here are a few:
Find Out What The Problem Is
If you are not sure what the reason for his lack of communication is, then ask him. Make sure you do it in a soft, supportive way that lets him know right from the outset that your intentions are to help him and your marriage.
It is best to have an open discussion with him at this point. If he is angry at you, then let him know how you will find a way to fix that. If he is guilty, then let him know that you will try your hardest to forgive him.
Talk to each other about how you can improve your communication in the future. A good place to start would be by performing some communication exercises that are designed to not only help you communicate but also repair your relationship in the process.
Try Writing a Letter
If you feel like he will not engage with you no matter how hard you try, you can write a letter. The letter should express your feelings explicitly. It should state everything that you want to tell him, and ask him to do the same.
I have previously written about how writing a letter can save your marriage. Take a look at that and use the pointers to craft a genuine letter that lets him know how his behavior is hurting you.
Be a Perfect Wife
It is not only important to say how much he means to you. You need to show him. There are many things you can do that will let him know how much you cherish your time together.
There is a decent chance that he is ignoring you because he feels you are neglecting your duties as a wife. This is common in marriages where both the husband and the wife are very busy. It might be better for you to spend less time on your other activities (e.g. work, philanthropy, hobbies) and focus a little more on your marriage for a while.
Even if your husband keeps on ignoring you, make sure you try your hardest to communicate. If there is something he is hiding from you, there is a chance that your persistence will break him down.
When he notices you making an effort, he may be inclined to open up to you. If he believes you have done something wrong, he will at least start discussing his problem with you. He may not forgive you yet, but this will open up an avenue towards forgiveness later.
There is no reason to give up on your marriage just because it seems like your husband has done so. Of course, you should consider divorce if his attitude towards you doesn’t change in the long run. For now, you should try your hardest to save what you have built!