We often wrongly imagine that sex stops once we get to a certain point in our marriage. While it’s true that a person’s sex drive decreases with age, it shouldn’t go away completely. As such, if you are wondering what to do when your husband doesn’t want you sexually, we have a few tips and tricks that should get him interested.
First, you must determine why your husband doesn’t want to have sex with you. The cause may be related to his health, an addiction, or due to you. Once you know the reason, you can try to help him regain his interest in sex. Sexual intimacy is a very complicated matter among married couples, which is why you must be careful when approaching him with this issue.
Let’s take a look at a few reasons why your husband may not be interested in having sex with you.
Why is my Husband Not Interested in me Sexually?
People want sex. In fact, according to many biologists, our sex drive is our most basic, primal emotion. Lack of sex can be very detrimental to a marriage. In fact, it can be the primary cause of someone cheating on their spouse in some cases.
Let’s look at a few common reasons why your husband is no longer interested in sexual relations with you. By far the two most common ones are loss of feelings towards you and health.
If you haven’t already, make sure you take the marriage assessment quiz so we can focus on your marriage and how to get things back on track quickly.
He Has Health Issues
It could be that your partner has issues that prevent him from performing or reduce his sex drive. For example, if you are older, it could be that he has developed erectile dysfunction (it can also happen to young men, but is less common). This may cause him a lot of stress, as no man wants to appear weak before any woman, let alone one he loves.
There are many studies that suggest that stress can cause low testosterone. It could be that your spouse is simply not interested in you because of external factors. For example, the pressure to perform at work can cause a lot of stress. This will not only lower his sexual desire but also turn his focus away from you.
You Are Not Attractive to Him Anymore
Your sex life may be suffering because your husband does not find you attractive anymore. If you find that he has no interest in sex with you but still seems interested in other women, then this is most likely the case. For example, if you regularly catch him looking at other women on Facebook, then he is obviously still interested in sex.
Remember that the reason may not always be your appearance. Almost all men crave intimacy just as much as women. If your marriage has been devoid of intimacy for a long time, it could be that the sexual thrill just isn’t enough to get him to want sex with you.
If this is the case, then your marriage, in general, will not be in an ideal state. If the two of you have difficulty communicating and connecting with each other, it is possible for those difficulties to spill over into your sex life.
He Has a Porn Addiction
Many men nowadays are developing an addiction to pornography. While the science is still inconclusive on how damaging an addiction this is, there is evidence to suggest that this could be one of the reasons why your partner is no longer interested in you.
Porn is almost completely different from real sex. It presents women in their ‘perfect form’ through the use of full-body makeup, special effects, and lighting. Men who develop this addiction are bound to be less likely to want sex. There are some studies that suggest that masturbating to porn triggers receptors in the brain that are not even triggered during actual sexual intercourse.
This is something that must be dealt with immediately. If left as it is, it could completely ruin your sex life. Thankfully, there are professionals who can help your husband with his addiction, and you should contact them if your partner is unable to recover on his own.
He is Already Getting All The Sex he Wants
Sadly, this is something you must consider. It is possible that he is cheating on you. If there is another woman that manages to satisfy all his sexual desires, there is no reason for him to want sex with you anymore.
If he is cheating on you, then you will notice the signs. You should pay careful attention to his words, as cheaters are willing to say almost anything to hide the truth.
If this is the case, then you must find out as much as you can about his affair and decide what you want to do. If he has found intimacy in the arms of someone else, then your entire marriage may be at stake!
Other Priorities Have Taken over
Let’s end this section with some positivity. It could simply be that your relationship has evolved into a platonic one. Not because your husband does not love you anymore, but because there are more important things in his life.
Take a look at his behavior. Is he still completing all of his duties as a husband? Does he spend time with the children and make sure they are being brought up well? Does he seem happy with his life and with you? If the answer to all of these questions is yes, then you have a lot less to worry about.
Of course, this does not mean that your marriage will be sexless from now on. He just needs a little nudge in the right direction to remind him of his ‘other responsibilities’. Apart from making sure your life and your children’s life is as perfect as possible, he has a duty to make sure your needs are met. Reminding him of that may be helpful in restoring sex.
How Can I Make My Husband Want me Again Sexually?
Once you know the reasons why he does not want sex, you can try to get him interested in sex once again. Here are some things that you can do to increase your husband’s interest in sex.
Initiate Sex Regularly
You may lose your confidence when your husband rejects your advances. This does not mean that you should stop initiating sex. No matter what his reasons for avoiding sex are, he may eventually give in to your demands.
When the opportunity finally presents itself, make sure you take full advantage of it. It is important for this experience to be as pleasurable for the two of you as possible. If he hasn’t been interested in sex for a long time, then you only get one shot to make things right. Failing to bring your ‘A game’ may mean that he feels he was right to reject your previous advances in the first place.
Discuss And Solve His Issues
As stated previously, your husband may not want sex because of personal or health issues. If this is the case, you must support him through this difficult time. Not only should you be willing to make compromises (for example, accept the fact that the sex may not be as great as it used to be), but you should also encourage him to get help.
Whether he is struggling with erectile dysfunction, porn addiction, or anything else, help is available. For physical issues, refer to your doctor. If his issues are psychological (e.g. low sex drive making him anxious or porn addiction), a marriage counselor may be the best idea.
Provide Him With The Necessary Intimacy
It’s possible that your husband is only comfortable sleeping with someone with whom he can share with and appear vulnerable. Being more affectionate with your husband is a quick way to try and bring back this safety into a marriage.
As I said, complacency can creep into marriages at certain points. You should especially be careful through periods where most marriages fail. This is when there is the most amount of pressure on both the husband and the wife. Life can be quite hectic, and it is difficult to make time for each other.
Through difficult periods, it is possible for your spouse to feel like you have abandoned him emotionally. If you think this is the case, then you should openly ask him. Most probably, he will confess that this is the way he feels. Make sure to apologize for making him feel this way, and explain your reasons well.
Lastly, act on your promise to be there for him and give him all that he deserves. Once he notices that you are still the same woman that he fell in love with, he will almost certainly want you sexually once again!
Making an Effort
If you have not been taking care of yourself lately, that needs to change. When people have been married for a while, they often tend to get complacent about their appearance. This can lead to problems like the one that we are discussing right now.
If you have put on a lot of weight recently, or you have stopped dressing as nicely as you used to, it’s time to change that. Even if your husband’s love for you is unconditional, his sex drive is based on you appearing attractive to him.