Sadly, a lot of couples realize that their marriage is going down the drain far too late. This does not give them the time necessary to rebuild their relationship. Noticing signs that indicate your husband wants a divorce early could help you save your marriage or prepare yourself for a divorce.
If your husband wants a divorce, he will exhibit certain signs. These signs are not that difficult to notice. In general, if your husband stops paying attention to your marriage, he probably wants a divorce. There are certain warning signs that will help you determine whether an action is needed on your end to save the marriage. We explore some of the most common ones here.
If you are anxious that your husband wants a divorce, let’s break down some of the signs your husband wants a divorce.
Be Careful With These Signs
Just before we get started with the actual signs it’s important you remember to take all of this into context. I don’t know you, your husband or your marriage so the advice I give (and the advice anyone gives for that matter) is based on what we generally see. They can give you guidance but don’t rush to any conclusions here. Make sure you take the marriage assessment quiz so we can focus on your marriage and how to get it back on track quickly.
Having an Emotional Affair
Of all the signs that could indicate your husband wanting a divorce, this is the most obvious one. I have previously discussed emotional affairs in great detail. I believe that in certain cases, they can be much more detrimental to a marriage than cheating (I explore cheating later).
When your husband is in an emotional affair, he is finding intimacy and companionship in the arms of someone else. This not only distracts him from his marriage but makes him think of how his life would be without you.
I have previously written on how you can spot an emotional affair. I also mention tips on getting over the emotional affair and reigniting the spark in your marriage in the same article. This can be a lot of help to your husband too. This is because emotional affairs are usually very hard to end. If your husband is having trouble ending an emotional affair, he needs your support more than ever.
This may seem like an obvious sign, but there is more to it than you think. Cheating does not necessarily mean that your husband wants a divorce. In fact, there is a decent chance that your husband still wants to save the marriage even after he cheated.
I have seen many couples not only fully recover from infidelity, but also strengthen their relationship after it. What you must be careful of is whether he cheated on you due to a loss of self-control, or is he falling in love with another woman.
It is understandable to be hurt when your husband cheats on you. In a lot of cases, divorce is the appropriate response to such a huge betrayal. However, always remember what you stand to lose. We are all human, and humans make mistakes. Professional help after such an ordeal may help the two of you come to a better understanding of your marriage. With the right attitude, it is possible for both of you to recover from this.
Losing Interest in Sex
This is a very clear sign that your husband wants to leave. If the two of you have stopped having sex, or the amount of sex has decreased considerably, it is possible that your husband is done with the marriage.
However, you must also consider the alternative. Both men and women start to lose their sex drive as they get older. Therefore, it is possible that your husband still loves you, but does not feel the need to physically express his love as often.
A good indicator of whether your marriage has problems is his attitude towards sex. If the sex has completely stopped, this is probably a sign that your spouse wants a divorce. If the two of you still have sex regularly, but your husband does not seem nearly as enthusiastic about it as he used to, then you should definitely be worried.
There are ways to fix this, of course. Fixes range from simple things such as putting more effort into your appearance to analyzing the deeper reasons why he isn’t interested in you sexually.
While men obviously emphasize beauty, they also tend to emphasize an emotional connection when it comes to selecting sexual partners. Much more so than women realize. As such, reconnecting with your husband on an emotional level may be the best way to rekindle your sex life.
Suddenly Caring About His Appearance
This is a classic. If your husband starts putting extra care into the way he looks, there is a chance that your marriage is heading towards a divorce.
I must emphasize the caveat that it is possible for your husband to simply want to dress better for other reasons. For example, he may want to appear more attractive to you. If he is exhibiting other signs along with trying to look better, then you should be worried.
Take special note of the way he dresses when going to work. If he is putting extra effort into the way he looks in the morning, there could be a coworker that he fancies.
In general, dressing better may mean that he is putting himself on the market once again. It can be a telling sign of his intention to divorce you.
Paying More Attention to the Kids
Again, I must present the caveat that it is entirely possible for your husband to have an epiphany and realize how important his children are to him. If that is the case, you are probably one of the luckiest women alive!
If he has never been a great father but starts paying special attention to the kids, then he may be preparing for a divorce and thus want their custody. You can ascertain his attentions mainly by the way he tries to appease the kids.
Spending more time with them would usually mean that he wants to be a better father. On the other hand, trying to curry favor with them by buying them things (especially expensive gadgets like game consoles, iPads, etc.) may be an obvious attempt at making them like him.
Kids are generally very impressionable. If you have evidence to suspect that he is vying for their custody in the event of a divorce, drastic action is needed immediately from your side. Remember that fighting him on the financial front is never a good idea. Not only will it leave both of you poorer, but it will probably spoil your children too!
Instead, talk to him directly and tell him to stop buying the kids any more things. An alternate strategy (though vindictive) is to let the kids know that these presents are from the both of you, not just from their father. Just remember that the proper upbringing of your kids is your first priority. Regardless of how you and your husband feel for each other, you should never harm your kids in the process!
Refusing to Argue With You
This is true for couples that have been fighting a lot. Fights are common in marriages. In fact, occasional fights can even be healthy for a marriage. It can allow both of you to let off some steam.
Constant fights, on the other hand, are a problem. What is even worse is when the two of you have been constantly arguing in the last few months and your husband stops doing it all of a sudden,
This is because he has probably given up on the marriage. He has either resigned himself to his fate, or he just wants to leave. When this happens, I have seen one of two things happen. Either the couple gets a divorce, or the couple continues to stay married because of other reasons (e.g. children, finances, etc.). The latter usually ends in misery for everyone.
Strange Financial Behaviors
This is one of the most concrete signs your husband is planning to leave you. Divorces in real life are quite different from the way they are portrayed on TV. Divorces do not usually occur in the heat of the moment. Instead, either both or one of the people involved spending a lot of time pondering over the details. They try to make sure that they come out of the divorce better off than the other.
Here are a few things to keep an eye out for:
- You stop receiving certain documents, such as tax receipts and statements of your joint accounts (keep an especially close eye on your investments).
- He tries to downplay his financial situation (e.g. my investments are losing money). He could be trying to give an indication that he has less money than he actually does.
- He starts moving his assets. For example, he may take money out of the joint account and place it into his personal account.
- He opens new joint credit lines (or takes out large sums from existing ones). Or, he starts spending a lot more using a joint credit card.
If you are noticing the aforementioned signs, you must take immediate action. Regardless of whether or not you want to save your marriage, you must save your money first in case divorce is inevitable. When spouses start to split their finances, their mind is usually set on leaving.
These were a few signs your husband wants a divorce. Remember that if you only notice one or two of these in his behavior, it is possible that you are overthinking things. If you begin to notice multiple (or all) of these signs, then you definitely need to consider your options.
You basically have two. If you want to save the marriage, then you should take a look at our other resources, many of which are linked here. Couples therapy and other forms of professional help may be very useful for this.
If you feel like a divorce is the best course of action, then you should start preparing for it. Your first focus should be your children, and then your finances.