Cheating is bad enough as it is. A husband having an affair is something that no wife should have to deal with. However, it is even worse when it is with one of your friends. It not only affects your marriage but also your social life and friend circle. If you think something fishy is going on, here are a few common signs your husband is cheating with your friend.
Luckily, if your husband is having an affair with your friend, it is usually easier to spot as compared to him having an affair with someone else. Both your husband and your friend will exhibit signs that you can notice. Even if you are unable to confirm your suspicions this way,
Let’s start by looking at the most obvious signs and slowly moving towards those that require interpretation and intuition on your end.
What Are the Signs?
If you have reason to suspect cheating, make sure you take our marriage assessment quiz. The cheating (or the signs of potential cheating) might be a symptom of something else.
One thing you will notice when your husband is dating one of your friends is that the signs get progressively worse over time. It is almost impossible to hide an affair from your friends, and that is what you will notice.
Not only will your husband act differently around you, but his friends will start to as well. As they slowly find out that your husband is unfaithful, they will treat you a little differently than they used to.
Hopefully, one of them has the heart to tell you that your husband is cheating on you. If they don’t, here are a few signs your husband is cheating with your friend:
Your Husband and Your Friend Avoid Each Other
If your husband is dating one of your friends, then he was probably fairly close to her previously. After all, that is how a relationship develops. One of the most common signs your husband is cheating with your friend will be their obvious attempts to avoid each other in front of you.
Once the two of them are together, they will visibly recoil from each other in front of you. Instead of acting like they used to, they will want to show that they are not that that close.
If you notice this sudden shift in both of them, then they are hiding something from you. It is entirely possible that they are not having an affair. Instead, your husband might have had a one-night stand with her and now they have to awkwardly see each other on social occasions and pretend that they didn’t sleep with each other. Whatever the truth may be, you must find it!
Your Friend Avoids Seeing You
This is a huge red flag. If your friend is dating your husband, then she will want to see you as little as possible.
At first, it will be because she will not want to spill the beans. She will be afraid that you will be able to tell that she is dating her husband. Or, that she will spill her secret accidentally.
Later on, it is possible that she avoids you because she resents you. If her affair evolved from being only sexual in nature to something a lot more emotional and complex, then she will want your husband to leave you. As such, seeing you will only cause her to be sad at the fact that she cannot be with the man that she wants.
Social Media Can Tell you a Lot
Some of the signs that your husband is cheating with your friend will be on their social media. The two of them will want to contact each other, and social media is probably how they will do it.
Your friend will probably not appear on your husband’s public Facebook profile as such (apart from a few innocent comments or reactions). The message portal is where you can confirm your suspicion. If you are able to access your husband’s phone, then taking a look at their conversations will be an easy way to see if their relationship is something deeper than a casual friendship.
You should also take a look at your husband’s WhatsApp and other Instant Messaging apps. After all, that is the way through which most of our communication takes place in modern times. Chances are that if they are having an affair, their conversations revolve around where and when they are meeting each other.
Your Own Sex Life Will Suffer
Of all the signs that your husband is unfaithful, this is something that you are certain to notice.
If your friend is satisfying your husband’s sexual appetite, then he will not want to be with you as often. Usually, the sex doesn’t stop completely. This is because your husband doesn’t want you to suspect he is having an affair. However, you may notice that he doesn’t seem to enjoy sex as much. He may not even be able to finish as quickly (presumably because he just had sex with someone else).
However, if the intimacy in your marriage has taken a hit in recent times, it could be because of your friend. By intimacy, I don’t mean just sex. It includes holding hands, kissing each other goodbye in the morning, and other forms of physical contact that is normal for married couples.
Other Common Signs of Infidelity
The following signs are general behaviors exhibited by cheating spouses. Whether your husband is having an affair with your friend or a complete stranger, you will be able to tell if he does the following:
- He puts more effort into his appearance (this is perhaps the most common sign of cheating).
- His sense of fashion changes all of a sudden. It’s almost as if there is another woman telling him what to wear.
- He starts working late a lot more often.
- He is generally more defensive whenever you question him about anything (especially about his whereabouts).
- He is spending more money.
- He generally seems happier, unless he is talking to you.
What to do When you Suspect Your Husband is Cheating?
It is extremely difficult to talk to your husband about his suspected affair. It is even more difficult when you think that he is having an affair with a friend of yours. The main problem is that if you accuse him of cheating and it turns out that he isn’t, you run the risk of hurting him and damaging your relationship with him.
Let’s take a look at your options if you suspect your husband is cheating but don’t have the necessary proof.
Confront Your Husband Without Proof
It is possible to confront your husband and accuse him of cheating directly. Even if you do not have the proof, he may cave in and confess his affair with your friend.
I have written previously about how you can properly confront someone about cheating even if you don’t have proof. The best thing you can do is to gather as much circumstantial evidence as possible. This will at least give you some ammunition for when he denies your allegations.
Confront Your Friend
While I have talked about confronting the other woman, I haven’t really discussed what to do if you already know the woman.
You can try talking to her as a friend. If you have known each other for years, then you may want to leverage your relationship with her. Ask her to tell you if something is going on between her and your husband. Tell her of the evidence that you have collected and given her reasons to share the truth with you.
If she refuses to tell you anything, you can also take a slightly firmer approach.
Since you know her social circle, it is possible that she has as much to lose from her affair being outed as you do. For example, she may be married. You can use this information to threaten her to stop seeing your husband.
If you manage to make her confess that she does have a relationship with your husband, then at least know the truth. However, if she continues to vehemently deny all allegations, then you will need to do some further digging.
Ask Other People in Your Circle
I mentioned above that one of the signs of your husband dating your friend is that some people will start to behave differently towards you (other than your husband and his mistress). These people almost certainly know something that you don’t. As such, you should be targeting your husband’s friends whose manner towards you has changed in recent times.
Asking them outright will get you nowhere. Instead, try to befriend them all over again and make them see your human side. Go out with them, enjoy your time with them, and get them to see that you are a person with feelings. Once they realize that you are a human being who is being treated unfairly, they might be inclined to tell you the truth.
At the very least, you will be able to pick up subtle hints. For example, you may be able to determine that your husband wasn’t where he said he was two nights ago. The information and gossip that you pick up may allow you to piece together the remaining pieces and confirm whether your husband is dating your friend or not.