What are the signs my husband is not attracted to me? Am I being neurotic or is he actually growing apart? Looking for signs that your husband doesn’t feel attracted to you feels like torture. But Knowing this sooner than later can give you a fighting chance to reignite the lost sparks between you two.
Marriages go through rough patches and come back stronger all the time. But, it works only when both partners put effort into it and feel enough attraction to each other to do so. If something feels off, it probably is. Since you’re reading this article, you must’ve felt something in your guts. Maybe your husband is just going through a bad time or he really is showing signs that he isn’t attracted to you anymore. We’ll explore a few telltale signs here so that you can take action toward a better marriage.
Spotting the Signs
Please remember (as I often say when we talk about spotting signs) to take all of these in the context of your marriage. Use these as guidelines, not hard-set rules. If you haven’t already, make sure you take the marriage assessment quiz so we can focus on your marriage and how to get things back on track.
You Don’t Have Sex Anymore
If this sounds familiar, I’ve actually covered what to do when your husband doesn’t want you sexually. This is something you can come back from, but the sooner you start to deal with it, the better.
When was the last time your husband hugged, kissed, or caressed you? You probably don’t remember having sex in weeks. Couples go through phases where they don’t have sex like their initial days due to work stress, physical illness, pregnancy, or parental responsibilities. I call it life getting in the way of romance.
But if there aren’t any of those reasons stopping your husband from showing some love, chances are he isn’t physically attracted to you anymore. This is one of the most heartbreaking yet definite signs to look out for. If your husband never initiates sex or refuses to engage in any kind of physical intimacy without any explanation, he might not be attracted to you anymore.
Even after trying to spice up your sex life, going out of your way to satisfy his kinks and secret desires, if he doesn’t seem to feel aroused around you anymore, his attraction has dried up. All of your attempts to look the way he wants, flirting with him to get him in the mood, and rekindling the sparks tend to leave you feeling rejected and alienated.
Every Other Woman is Sexy but You
You’ve got a new haircut. Got a sexy dress or lingerie to make him go crazy. But, he doesn’t even seem to notice that. If anything he points out how you could shed a few pounds or your old haircut looked better. He doesn’t like the way you dress or look these days. He either makes you feel invisible or finds faults with you for nothing.
But, you see him looking at other women with desire in his eyes. He turns and stares at all the women out there while he barely looks at you. It’s completely natural for a guy to check out women but it’s unacceptable when he does that sitting with his wife. If you’ve repeatedly mentioned how uncomfortable and disrespectful you find that and he never pays heed, your spouse is not attracted to you.
He flirts with other women whenever he gets a chance knowing that it will hurt your feelings. A husband who finds his wife attractive would never do that. When he’s constantly leaving you feeling unloved and underappreciated while playing around with other women it clearly shows that he isn’t attracted to you anymore.
You Barely See Him Lately
Your once loving husband who couldn’t wait to get home to spend time with you has suddenly turned into a workaholic. Is that a telltale sign that he doesn’t find you attractive anymore? Not really. Maybe he’s working overtime for a better future together or putting in extra hours for a promotion he really wants.
However, if that is the case, you’re supposed to be a part of this. He should let you know what all these late nights and early mornings are for. You shouldn’t be left in the dark wondering if he’s having an affair with his secretary. When your husband is actually avoiding you, he’ll find ways to stay away from home over weekends as well.
He’ll be making a lot of plans with his buddies that don’t include you like before. He’s found new hobbies and you can’t tag along even if you show interest. There are times when men feel like taking a breather from work, marriage, and all kinds of responsibilities.
They use this time apart to unwind and come back to deal with everything better. If that’s not the case and you’re seeing less of him every day without getting any reasonable explanations, it can be a sign that he has lost interest in you.
He Gets Annoyed About Everything
This one can be… tricky to figure out. I’ve gone into more detail when a reader asked about her husband getting angry over small things and there can be a number of reasons. This anger is often misdirected and coming from another area of his life but it can certainly impact your marriage and make it seem like he’s not attracted to you.
It’s a symptom of something more going on rather than a root cause in itself.
Have you become one of those couples who constantly bicker and go to bed angry? Well, if you’ve said yes to this question, it doesn’t necessarily mean that attraction had gone out the window. Unresolved issues can lead to built-up resentment and that can be a reason why he blows up every time you try to tell him something.
But even after trying to communicate, leaving all the nagging and nitpicking behind, he seems to get angry over small things? Now that’s detrimental to your marriage. Are your fights turning toxic recently? Does he say whatever he wants disregarding your feelings?
Do you feel utterly disrespected while he seems untouched by these petty fights? Do you get an apology or romantic gestures to make it up to you afterward? If he doesn’t care how badly he’s hurting your feelings, that’s because he doesn’t feel the same attraction he did before.
You Don’t Talk Anymore
We tend to verbalize our feelings and emotions around the people who make us feel safe. That’s why you fell in love with each other and decided to spend the rest of your lives together. When you stop talking to each other about the highs and lows of your lives, never have those deep conversations you used to have before, that’s because he doesn’t feel any attraction towards you.
He tells you stuff when it’s absolutely necessary. You get to know pretty much everything at the last minute. The guy who couldn’t stand your frowning face doesn’t seem to care anymore. You see him evolving into a new person who doesn’t want to include you in his present or the future.
Not that couples have to talk about the future all the time. However, a healthy marriage thrives on shared dreams and goals. If he hasn’t mentioned anything about how he sees his future with you or has been unresponsive every time you’ve brought it up, chances are he has already checked out of the marriage.
He Feels More Like a Roommate
You didn’t get married just to share a home or responsibilities. He’s supposed to make you feel loved. If you’re going through a sexual dry spell but your husband still kisses you passionately, hugs you from behind, or just holds your hands when you’re together it shows that he is still attracted to you.
But what if he doesn’t even touch you anymore? Every time you try to kiss or hug him he turns away or acts really cold. He only talks to you about bills, your child’s report card, or the clogged sink. You keep feeling like he’s hiding something and doesn’t let you in. You feel like an outsider in your relationship who just happens to live under the same roof.
If there’s no emotional or physical intimacy in your marriage, that’s because your husband might not feel attracted to you. You end up feeling insignificant and unheard whenever you try to have a conversation with him. Since you feel emotionally affection-starved, physical attraction goes down the drain as well.
You’re Lonely in Your Marriage
It takes two people to keep a relationship going. If your partner doesn’t invest in the marriage at all and it feels like you’re the only one who wants to make it work, it’s one of the signs your husband doesn’t feel the same way about you anymore. Does he still want to spend time with you or all he cares about is his new hobby?
Do you still get texts just to check on you or to tell you that he’s thinking of you? Or is it complete radio silence once he leaves the house? He never bothers to call even when he is away for days because of a work trip or conference. Looks like he doesn’t mind not having you around.
If he doesn’t carve time out to spend with you, doesn’t appreciate you, and lets intimacy fade away without a care in the world, that sure doesn’t indicate a lot of attraction from his side.
Does he remember your birthday and anniversaries? Do you get flowers? Are you still going out with him just to spend some quality time together? Or does all these sound like a distant memory of the past? If you’ve said yes to most or all of these questions, you already know the answer you were looking for. He’s not into you.
Does that mean all is lost? Not at all. You’re the woman he chose to spend the rest of his life with. Maybe all he needs is to see that fierce woman again to fall in love one more time. Don’t fall into despair and keep working at it. You’ve got this.