Help! My husband would rather watch TV than spend time with me! This is a problem I hear more often than not but the problem isn’t the TV or the latest season of Game of Thrones, this is just a symptom of something underlying. It can be dealt with but it’s going to take a little digging. So what does it mean and what can you do about it?
Your husband preferring to watch TV and spend time with you is a symptom of a deeper problem in your marriage. Something has come between the two of you and the TV is just an easy means of avoidance. Moving past this is going to take some real work to find the root of the problem.
I’ve seen marriage come back from much, much worse than this, and even if it seems like your husband has completely checked out this is certainly something you can recover from but it’s going to take some effort and an uncomfortable dive into finding the cause so we can really deal with it.
Why Doesn’t He Spend Time With Me?
Note: I don’t know your marriage so I’m going over general things here. If you’d like to get more into the specifics of what you’re dealing with then click here and tell me what you’re dealing with. Otherwise, take all of this advice in the context of your marriage.
Trying to juggle your day to day life with your marriage is a struggle we’re all familiar with. Life gets in the way of love fairly often and you can lose track of who you were as a couple when you first got married.
The TV itself isn’t the problem here. Something else is putting a wedge in between the two of you. I’m going to cover a couple of examples here but it’s important that you figure out exactly what the problem is. If you haven’t already, I suggest trying my list of questions to ask your spouse to save your marriage. This should help you narrow down what’s going on.
We can’t fix the root of the issue by just turning off the TV.
Marriages tend to become strained when communication recedes to a minimum due to less interaction. This could be your work life, kids, social gatherings, etc.
Emotional distress and detachment can be hard on your mental health and shouldn’t be ignored in the slightest. You could be emotionally numb, not able to share your problems, uninterested in sex, show less physical intimacy, and may give each other silent treatment from time to time.
You may even feel overwhelmed when you talked to about your feelings. And as it happens, it could be one of the reasons why he’s so into TV because he feels emotionally detached to you.
Drowning In Work-Related Stress
One of the primary reasons why he is watching so much TV is stress at work. Often, people find it easier to avoid a difficult conversation by distracting yourself.
Watching TV could be this act of ignorance on the part of your spouse. Perhaps, they’re so drowned in work stress that they don’t even have the energy to talk about it.
Tired Of Hearing Constant Complaints or Nagging
Couples who have a communication barrier might find it hard to keep their emotions in control. This often results in nagging and blame games of who has done more damage to the marriage.
As a result, your spouse might find it easier to ignore you altogether and watch something on the TV instead.
But at the same time, this can be hard for a wife who would come home to her husband watching television and might believe that her husband doesn’t love her anymore.
You Don’t Have Things In Common.
Being in a marriage doesn’t mean you need to be a look-alike. But still, one of the main things couples fester about is not having the same interests because often lack of common interests can drive them away from one another.
If you’re a wife and you often find your husband watching TV than spending time with you, think about whether you two have anything in common.
If not, it might be one of the reasons why he’s so involved in the television because a lack of similar interests can create emotional barriers resulting in love being drained out of the relationship and your spouse preferring to indulge in the television.
Have you ever felt like you are talking to a wall, your spouse unable to understand your desires, emotions, and feelings?
One of the critical aspects of having a good marriage is to keep the communication lines flowing. People not finding the right words at the right time can be extremely stressful and not romantic in a marriage.
This can also be a strain to couples who spend their time on TV all too long and are not bothered by what their spouse might have to say. Husbands can become irritated if their time is cut short from watching their favorite sports or news channel. This can be a heartbreak for wives who would wait for leisure time after work to talk to their hubbies.
Maybe It’s Just His Favorite Show?
Giving space in a relationship can be extremely important. This can be more evident as people have become more individualistic.
If he’s watching TV once in a while then it’s perfectly healthy for him to be doing his own thing. The best marriages I know give each other space to enjoy their own interests and you shouldn’t see this as a problem if it’s not a constant trend.
How Do You Fix It?
Figuring out how to fix it really depends on what the problem is.
When you’re dealing with avoidance (of any kind) it means working on your communication. I’ve got a more complete guide on how to save your marriage which will cover the real practical things you can start doing but there’s no one size fits all answer here.
The issue isn’t that he would rather watch TV, it’s that the two of you have lost something in the relationship and how you handle that really depends on what the cause was. If you’d like to get more into the details (and practicalities of fixing it):
Otherwise, as some general advice:
Think And Reflect On What Went Wrong
If you can, try to get to the root cause of this detachment and behavior. Think about how this situation makes you feel and how you can find resonance with it in your life.
Notice how you respond to different situations and identify your triggers. You can also ask for help. One of the biggest mistakes couples can make is not to do couple’s counseling when needed. This is extremely important and can help you save your marriage.
Don’t Force Interaction.
You don’t need to be in a constant battle to get to your partner to give you justifications of his behavior all the time.
We would suggest you relax, give yourself peace of mind, and understand that you cannot control other people’s behaviors. This doesn’t mean you don’t talk to your spouse, but it does mean having a good healthy conversation with them. This doesn’t have to be too long but can touch all the pointers that are troubling you.
Find Common Interests Or Activities That You Both Enjoy
One of the most significant moments of a successful marriage is keeping the spark alive in a relationship. This can be done by enjoying what your spouse wants to do.
Even if this is TV, you both must find interest in typical TV shows that can help you bond over your leisure time. Even if these shows are not your interest, building interest in your spouse likes can put you in the same mental headspace as them, thus avoiding mental drainage and anxiety.
Everyday household chores even can be a blessing in helping out a strained partner. Understanding your partner’s inclinations is extremely important and can lead to a successful marriage in return.
Ask Your Spouse, “What’s there on TV That Is Special Than Me”?
You don’t need to do all the emotional work alone and in vain. It can be done in healthy ways, which lighten your mood and can let your partner know you need their attention and love.
If there is a problem with one or both partners, they should work together. This can be hard if couples are emotionally detached. You must keep lines of communication open and loving to not put too much strain on the marriage.
Avoid Unnecessary Fights And Nagging
It might come to you that you want to burst out of your chest, start screaming, or feel angry. There is nothing terrible having such emotions, but it is essential to understand how you express such feelings.
If your husband is already using TV time as a getaway, you don’t want to push him further by making a hostile home space. Criticizing them won’t help. You must approach them kindly and with the passion for deterring such negative consequences.
Physical or verbal aggression is never healthy and can push your partner away more than you ever think. Always thinking that my husband prefers TV to me or TV is ruining my marriage might not be great for a healthy relationship. Even assuming that my husband watches TV a lot, thus ignores me, might not lead to mental clarity in a relationship.
In the end, one must keep an open mind in a marriage. It is two people living together under one roof, which can cause trouble even if there isn’t any! Keep a loving and humble attitude. And above all, couple’s counseling and emotional therapies should be considered if you have been unsuccessful in your relationships.
Your counselor can find the lags you might not be able to feel in your marriage. The road to healthy marriages is not always smooth, but in the end, it is worth the effort.