Secrets are never good in a marriage. If your husband is lying and hiding things from you, then you need to find out what it is immediately. Otherwise, it could have serious consequences down the line. With how technology being an integral part of our lives, his phone reveals more about him than anything else. If your husband won’t let you see his phone, here’s what to do!
If your husband is not letting you see his phone, he is almost certainly hiding something on it. While he could be cheating on you, there are other things to consider too. For example, he may have a porn addiction that he wants to keep away from you. It is important to not only find out what he is hiding but also let him know that continuing this behavior could lead to trust issues between you two.
Let’s start with a question that wives constantly pester me with. Is it wrong for a wife to ask to see her husband’s phone?
If you have a reason to worry about this, there might be an underlying issue going on. Make sure you take a moment to take our marriage assessment quiz.
Is it OK to Ask Your Husband to See His Phone?
When you are married, it is important that the two of you completely trust each other. Marriage is quite different from dating when the two of you have private lives of your own.
While spouses should grant each other personal space, there is no such thing as a private life once you are married. Your lives are intertwined to such an extent that the two of you should know as much about each other as possible.
Obviously, you should not feel the need to share every little detail. That said, hiding anything major from each other is a big no-no as well.
for this reason, you should share passwords and keep all the major details of your lives open to each other. Looking at each other’s phone should not be needed, but it shouldn’t be met with resistance either.
Simply put, it is completely OK to ask to see your husband’s phone (and vice versa). Your husband should understand that your request is reasonable and allow you access.
What Does it Mean When Your Husband Won’t Let You See His Phone?
When your husband does not want you to see his phone, it could mean a number of things.
It is virtually a guarantee that there is something on there that he does not want you to see. If he had nothing to hide, he would trust you with his phone password. Here are a few common reasons why a husband may hide his phone from his wife:
He is Cheating
This is the first thought that enters the mind, and it is usually true. Unfortunately, the main reason husbands hide their phones from their wives is to not let their affairs be known.
Your husband may make excuses like he needs the phone to make a long call, or that he has work files that are ‘confidential’. However, there is no way that you would intentionally harm him or his work files when you look at his phone.
It is possible that your husband isn’t cheating on you yet but plans to. In this case, he may have dating apps on his phone that he is trying to hide. Thankfully, there are other ways to confirm if your husband is using dating sites.
He Has Female Friends That he Cannot Explain Away
Another possibility is that your husband is friends with females that he does not want you to find about. While he may not be having an affair, he could be hoping that his friendship evolves into an affair at some point.
Husbands involved in friendships like this usually also hide other aspects of their lives from their spouses. For example, your husband may also have removed you from his social media and set it to private.
If you do end up confirming your suspicions about his ‘friends’, don’t give him the benefit of the doubt. If he wasn’t guilty about the other women in his life, he would trust you. In fact, he probably would have no problem with you befriending them too.
He Has a Porn Addiction
This is also a real possibility. if your husband is hell-bent on you not getting access to his phone, it could be that he has porn on there.
Porn addiction is not considered to be as bad as cheating, and it probably isn’t. However, it can damage your marriage in a similar fashion. The major problem is the same: Your husband is getting his fix elsewhere and requires women other than you to satisfy him.
I have a guide on what to do if your husband is addicted to porn. However, you should first confirm that he has this problem before you start trying to solve it. There are other indicators of your husband being addicted to porn, such as:
- Locking himself in the bathroom for long periods (presumably to masturbate).
- Having a low sex drive.
- Wanting to perform degrading acts in the bedroom that he didn’t want to before.
He is Overly Concerned With Privacy
Lastly, this is a point that you must consider. Some people are simply paranoid and do not want their personal items to be used by anyone but themselves.
An extremely small percentage of people are like this. If your husband is one of them, you will notice it in his other behaviors. He will try to have separate things for himself and generally try to act as if he is not married. This behavior is extremely common in anti-social human beings and people with no siblings.
However, he will only try to do it with material things. He will still be a good husband in every other way. A cheating husband, on the other hand, will exhibit numerous signs of his infidelity.
How to Get Your Hands on Your Husband’s Phone
We have determined so far that your husband should be willing for you to look at his phone. If you think he is hiding something from you and you cannot trust him, here are a few ways you can try to look at his phone:
Guess His Passwords
You probably know your husband better than anyone else. As such, it may be possible for you to guess his passcode.
You should definitely try birthdays or other numbers that your husband is likely to use. For example, if you know the ATM Pin of his credit card, it is possible that he is using a similar number for his passcode.
If you only want to confirm your suspicion of cheating, there are other ways to do that. For example, if you have access to his laptop, you can try opening the web version of WhatsApp. If he has previously used WhatsApp on his laptop, you will be able to access it. Just remember that he will get a notification on his phone when you do. His WhatsApp could tell you a lot about his affair.
A sneaky way to access his phone is to press the fingerprint scanner against his finger while he is sleeping. Just make sure that you don’t wake him up (avoid this method if he is a light sleeper).
Grab it From The Kids
Guessing passwords isn’t for everyone. Thankfully, there are other ways to get his phone.
If you have kids that are young, they almost certainly like to play games or watch YouTube. Pretend you are using your phone when one of them asks you for it and ask your husband to give it to them instead.
Later on, grab the phone from the kids. Try to do it when he isn’t in the room as he will almost certainly run towards you once his phone is in your hands.
Look at the Other Evidence
Whether he is cheating or he has a porn addiction, there will be other ways to confirm your suspicions.
For example, you could look for evidence on his computer. Going through his files (for porn) or his emails (for evidence of an affair) could help you determine why he just cannot trust you with his phone.
Just remember to be patient. If he is doing something wrong, you don’t want him to think that you are onto him. Getting hasty and making mistakes while trying to determine the truth might spook him. He may be able to cover up whatever it is that he was doing. This way, you will never know the truth.
Tell Him what’s Wrong With His Behavior
If all else fails, you could also try to appeal to him directly. Let him know that you are his wife and that you have a right to know everything about him.
It is best to be as honest and as unconfrontational as you can be at this time. Try to make him understand that if he has something to hide, then whatever he is doing is wrong and he should stop. If he does not have anything to hide, then he should let you take a look at his phone.
If he does give in and let you take a look at his phone immediately, then he might just be innocent. If he simply refuses to let you look at his phone and says that you should trust him, then you shouldn’t trust him at all.
If he comes back in a while and lets you look at his phone, then it could mean two things. The first is that he thought things over and decided you were right.
However, he may just have gone and deleted all incriminating evidence before he handed the phone over to you. Sadly, there’s nothing you can do about that except being more suspicious of him in the future.
