Help! My husband looks at other females on Facebook! Social media has changed the way married couples behave towards each other. It has also impacted marriages, both in positive and negative ways. One of the problems that many women seem to have with their husband is him looking at other women on social media, especially Facebook.
It is not uncommon for married men to look at other women on Facebook. While it is not particularly catastrophic to marriage (for example, how cheating would be), you are still 100% correct to be bothered by it. Thankfully, there are ways to fix this problem.
We discuss some of the ways you can stop your husband from looking at other females on Facebook. Before we do that, we must dwell on why men do that. We must also examine how and when it becomes a problem.
Let’s break it down. What is the problem, why does it happen and (most importantly) what can you do about it?
Why do Men Look at Other Women?
Believe it or not, there is an actual scientific theory on why men are much more likely to look at other women. There is no reason to bore you with the science (and it is just a theory anyway). Simply put, the fact is that men are naturally visual creatures, much more so than women. This is the exact reason why married men are much more likely to view pornography as opposed to women.
While looking at women on Facebook is quite different from pornography, the effects can be in many ways the same. This is because when your husband looks at other women, he is essentially replacing you with someone else. This is why you feel betrayed and upset if you catch your husband looking up women on Facebook.
Usually, women feel much worse if they catch their husbands looking at other women on Facebook than on other websites and social networks. There is a simple reason for this.
Why Looking at Females on Facebook is Worse Than Other Websites
If your husband is looking at pictures of women on Instagram, its probably going to be a model or a celebrity. While you will obviously be a little bit upset at this, the hurt will generally not be nearly as much as him looking at women on Facebook.
This is because the women on Instagram are meant to represent the ideal human body, and your husband doesn’t know them. Let’s face it, you yourself have probably looked up pictures of your favorite actor on the internet at one point or the other. I am not saying this justifies your husband’s actions, but it does help put in perspective how harmless they can be.
Facebook, on the other hand, usually links people who already know one another. Chances are that instead of a model, your husband is looking up one of his coworkers, or one of your coworkers/friends.
Even if he isn’t specifically looking at someone he knows, Facebook usually links you to friends of your friends in the ‘People You May Know’ section. These women are not mere fantasy, but actually human beings that your husband may come in contact with. As such, looking at women on Facebook presents a much bigger problem for your relationship.
Should I be Okay With my Husband Looking at Other Women?
Definitely not. Regardless of whether your husband looks at other women on Facebook, Instagram, or any other website, he is hurting your feelings. There is no middle ground here. If you are upset by his actions, he needs to stop.
The purpose of the last two sections is not to tell you to come to terms with the actions of your husband. Instead, it is to tell you that this is fairly common among married men. Your husband looking at other women does not mean he has stopped loving you. It doesn’t mean that he is going to cheat on you. It doesn’t even mean that he is going to try and chat up any of the women he was looking at if he ever got the chance.
In most cases, it is possible for husbands to control their natural impulses when they realize the effect they have on their wives. As such, it is your responsibility to help your husband understand the consequences of his actions. It is also your responsibility as his wife to help him transition away from this habit that makes you uncomfortable.
In most cases, this can be done through effective communication and a little bit of patience. That is what we explore in the next section. Before that, we must consider one serious alternative.
Does my Husband Looking at Other Women on Facebook Mean he is Cheating?
In most cases, it does not. As I stated before, your husband looks at other women probably because he is too weak to resist his natural impulse. In most cases, looking at other women online is a habit that men develop during their teenage years. Then they get married and they are unable to stop.
However, there is a small chance that your husband is cheating on you, and he is simply scouting around for his next target. If your husband is looking at other women on Facebook, chances are that he also starts talking to them on Facebook.
You should never really accuse your husband without suspicion. If you truly do believe that you have a reason to be suspicious, we have a handy guide on how to get someone to tell the truth about cheating.
Being able to take a look at his messages and Facebook chats can be a great way to gather some evidence. Just remember not to jump to conclusions. For example, your husband could be texting other women, but there isn’t sufficient proof to convince you if he is cheating. In that case, we have a guide on the threats and fixes of your husband texting other women.
How to Stop Your Husband From Looking at Other Females Online
Note: I don’t know you, your husband or your marriage. If you’d like more specific advice then come and tell me what you’re dealing with. Otherwise, take any advice (no matter where you get it) within the context of your marriage.
Before we begin, we must emphasize the importance of patience in this regard. Your husband has probably looked at other women online all his life, and it will take time for him to adjust. As such, it is important for you to be understanding and supportive of him as he slowly stops this habit.
Tell Him How This Affects You
It is best to start off with an open discussion about your feelings. Here are a few things that you should mention:
- First, tell him that you know of his ‘activities’. Gauge his reaction to see if he feels guilty and apologetic, or unconcerned. If he is unconcerned, then you may have a bigger problem on your hands.
- Tell your husband how it makes you uncomfortable when he looks at women, many of which you or him know personally.
- Let him know that you are willing to help him change. Instead of blaming him, tell him that you understand why he does this. However, be firm on the fact that you will not tolerate him focusing on any woman in a sexual manner apart from you.
Listen to His Point of View And Offer to Help
It is important to understand where your husband is coming from. In most cases, he will mention something along the lines of ‘None of those women matter to me’ and be generally apologetic for his actions.
For the reasons mentioned above, this is probably true. Hear him out on his side of the story and show him your full support.
After an open and honest discussion, let him know that you are there to help him in any way possible. Tell him of your expectations of him, and how you hope that he will be able to quit this habit that adversely affects your marriage.
After that, all that is left to do is to encourage him and be patient. It is fine if you do not feel like being intimate with him immediately, and he should understand that too. Encourage him throughout the whole process. At the same time, keep a close eye on him to make sure that he is making progress and trying to quit.
What if my Husband Refuses to Quit?
This can occasionally happen. Usually, this happens when your husband is not satisfied with the marriage itself. In this case, rebuilding your marriage from the ground up can be a good idea. Even if your husband does not seem to care for you anymore, it is entirely possible for you to make him do so again provided that you still love him.
If you eventually find out that he is cheating on you, you have a few options. I have said it before that 60% of infidelity in marriages is eventually overcome. If you truly love your husband enough to move past his humungous mistakes, then it is important for you to make him leave the other woman (or women).
In the end, you must place your own happiness above anyone else’s. In most cases, your husband will be able to quit looking at other women on Facebook with a little help from you. Just make sure to remind him of what is important and what is on the line if he fails to do so!
More Specific Advice
If you’d like to dig a little deeper, take a moment to tell me what you’re up against in your marriage.
