Having your husband treat you like a doormat is never a good feeling. It is even worse when his behavior is perfectly fine towards everyone else. his behavior may even cause you to wonder if he no longer loves you. While that can be the case, this problem is usually a little more complicated. As such, we will tell you what to do when your husband is mean to you and nice to everyone else.
If your husband treats you differently than everyone else, he is probably angry at you for some reason. There are things you can do to improve the way he behaves around you. However, you should also be firm and let him know that you will not sit down and take it. Marriage is difficult, but his wife is not his punching bag, and he must understand this.
Let’s start by taking a look at why your husband may be treating you the way he is.
If you suspect there’s a deeper issue or something putting a strain on your marriage, take the marriage assessment quiz and we’ll deal with the root of the issue to get you both back on track.
Why Does my Husband Treat Others Better Than Me?
We have previously touched on what to do if your husband is an asshole. In there, we briefly touch on what may be the reason when your husband is an asshole only towards you. However, that article mainly discussed what to do when your husband treats everyone terribly.
I have often had wives ask me ‘My husband is mean to me and nice to everyone else, what should I do?’. Well, the first thing is to determine how your husband behaves with his family and yours. This will tell you whether the problem lies specifically with you, or with the person that he is/has become.
Your Husband May Only be Nice to Strangers
You may think he takes all of his anger out on his spouse, but that may not be the case. Your husband might behave exactly the same way when talking to his family or to his children.
A lot of people who are toxic by nature treat strangers quite well. However, they are excessively mean to everyone they know. If a person refuses to stand up for themselves, they will be mean to their face. However, if a person does not allow your husband to insult them openly, your husband will be nice to their face but talk smack once they leave.
You must decide whether you truly are the only person who is treated terribly by your spouse. If there are other people in the same boat as you, then the problem is probably not with your marriage but rather with the personality of your husband.
If you are your husband’s only victim, here are a few reasons why he might be acting this way:
He is Cheating on You/He Has Found Someone Else
It is possible that your husband has fallen for someone else. His marriage may not be important to him anymore, which is why he sees no reason to be nice to you. In this case, you are just a hurdle between him and the person he wants.
Usually, this would mean that he already has some form of a relationship with the other person. Whether or not he has cheated on you is for you to find out. At the very least, he is going to be in an emotional affair with the other woman.
If you think that he is cheating on you, you should try to confirm your suspicions ASAP. You could even try to confront your spouse without proof and confirm whether they are cheating on you through their reaction.
He Feels Nothing For You
If your husband is nice to everyone else except you, it could be that he no longer loves you. You may wonder why he only treats you terribly. After all, it’s not like he loves his friends!
The reason for that is because you are his wife. You are held to a different standard as a result. Marriage is something that people tend to find comfort in. If your husband is no longer able to feel anything for you, there is a chance that he becomes angry and takes his anger out on you (even if he isn’t seeing someone else)
In this case, your husband will usually be equally mean towards his children. He will see them as the product of a marriage that fails to make him happy. This may cause him to lash out at them or simply avoid them. Whatever you do, make sure you protect your children from a man like this.
He Simply Has an Abusive Personality
People who are of an abusive nature could take time to show their true colors. This is why he may be nice to everyone else but treat you like crap.
Remember that the following advice only relates to verbal abuse. If you are experiencing physical abuse, immediately contact the relevant authorities.
People who are abusive are usually quite manipulative. They can be the nicest people sometimes but extremely mean otherwise. Here are a few common traits of an abusive spouse. Remember that not all of them will apply to your husband.
- He shields his action by stating that he was with an abusive partner in the past, and this causes him to mistrust you.
- He acts passive-aggressively, purposefully hurts your feelings, and then acts as if he did nothing wrong.
- He may act nice towards you sometimes and pretend to understand everything you say, making you feel like you are in the wrong when he eventually abuses you.
- He will constantly try to tell you that you are stupid, and your opinion doesn’t matter. If you don’t deal with his behavior right away, you may actually start to believe his lies yourself!
Dealing with an abusive husband is one of the most difficult things to do. Your husband may even have multiple personalities. One for you, one for his children (he may be extremely nice to them), one for his family, and one for everyone else.
Generally, I recommend standing up for yourself and making sure that your husband is unable to break you. Let’s look at how to deal with a husband that is mean towards you.
How do You Deal With a Disrespectful Husband?
There must be a point when your husband stopped being nice towards you and started disrespecting you. After all, if he was always this way, you would never have married him in the first place.
If his behavior changed recently, then you must put a stop to it right now. Even if he has been this way for a while, you can still slowly change him back to the way he once was. Of course, it will take a little bit more effort. The man you married is still in there somewhere, and it is up to you to find him and bring him back to the surface.
Just remember that if he is unable to be nice towards you despite all your efforts, ending your marriage may be better for everyone. Still, I advise wives to give their husbands at least a few months before they think about divorce. A few months are more than enough for a person to realize their mistakes and change their actions.
Don’t Let Him Get Away With Anything
Whenever he disrespects you, let him have it. He must know that you will not yield and be the spouse that is only there as a punching bag. You will meet fire with fire, and he better learn not to fan the flames.
However, instead of being rude to him, angrily let him know how wrong he is to treat you this way. This will not escalate your arguments into a discussion on who is the worse spouse. Rather, it will make him think about his actions.
On the contrary, also make sure to compliment positive behavior. Reinforcement of good acts can go a long way towards changing his behavior. Once he realizes that good actions and good intentions will be met with a smile and an acknowledgment of his generosity, he will want to treat you better.
Try to be Nice to Him
By being nice, I mean to fulfill all your duties as a wife. If the reason for his behavior is somehow related to you, try to get him to open up about it. Men generally bottle up their feelings, and their true emotions often manifest themselves through actions such as disrespectful behavior and getting angry for no apparent reason.
If he refuses to confess why he is behaving like this, try to convince him to go to a marriage counselor. A trained professional will be much better than you at noticing subtle signs and hidden emotions. They will be able to get to the bottom of the issue much faster and with far less information than you.
Find Out if he is Cheating
If his behavior towards you is sustained, then maybe there is someone else who is getting to see the nice side of him? Try to get as much information about your husband’s whereabouts as you can.
I have an entire section dedicated to cheating that can help you get a fairly good idea if your husband has been unfaithful. If he is cheating on you, then you may want to be done with the marriage for good.
However, if you find that you can still not let him go (even after he has broken his vows), there is still a way forward. I have always lectured that cheating does not have to be the end of a marriage. We are all human, and we are liable to make mistakes. Over 60% of infidelity in marriages is eventually overcome, and you can make your husband leave the other woman too!