Your marriage is more fragile than you think, and you may be surprised by how little it takes to tear it apart. One of the most difficult things for a wife to deal with is when her husband does not seem to care about her feelings. You may wonder whether this is the end of your marriage and whether there is anything you can do to change his behavior.
If your husband has stopped caring about your feelings, it is possible that you are not at fault. It could be that there is something else that is bothering him. First, you must determine whether he thinks if the fault is yours. If it is, then you can decide whether he is in the right or not. If it isn’t your fault, then it is your responsibility to help him get through whatever worries he has.
If your husband is hurting your feelings frequently and/or intentionally then there’s a deeper issue at play here. Make sure you’ve taken the marriage assessment quiz so we can deal with the true root of the issue and get your marriage back on track.
What Does it Mean When Your Husband Doesn’t Care About Your Feelings?
There is no reason to think that your relationship is falling apart if your husband’s attitude towards you is less than acceptable. All marriages are bound to go through tumultuous times. It could simply be that your marriage is at a stage where most married couples go through these difficulties. Let’s consider a few common reasons why your husband may not care about your feelings anymore.
He is Experiencing Problems Outside of The Marriage
Maybe your husband has so much going on that you are temporarily off his priority list? His relationship with you should always be his top priority in the long run, but there are other things that might seem more important to him for a short while.
In my experience, there are a few things that people tend to prioritize over their spouses in the short-term. The most common one is work. It could be that your husband has undertaken a huge project that is causing him stress. The reverse is also possible, as his company may be undergoing layoffs and he might be struggling to retain his job.
When this is the case, you will usually see his mood swing from time to time. One day, he may come home and be the most loving husband possible. The very next day, he may come home angry and take that anger out on you.
If your spouse still shows flashes of empathy towards you, then there is still hope for your relationship. If his behavior towards you is constant, then maybe there is another reason for it (such as him not being in love with you anymore).
He Does Not Love You Anymore
Unfortunately, this is something that you may want to consider. It is possible that he has taken a long, hard look at his relationship with you and decided that the two of you are incompatible.
You may think that this would cause him to get a divorce, but that is not necessarily true. There may be reasons why he may want to stay with you. For example, if he is a great father, it could be that he wants to do what is best for the children. He is willing to sacrifice his happiness as well as yours as long as the children’s lives are not ruined.
If this is the case, then he will also act out in other ways, such as blaming you for everything that goes wrong. Another indicator of your husband simply not being in love with you anymore is that his behavior will have changed gradually. Also, his behavior will be consistent. Unlike the previous case, he will not experience any mood swings. He will simply continue to hurt your feelings.
He is Angry at You
It is also possible that he still loves you, but he believes that you have done something wrong. When he hurts your feelings, he does so on purpose. He wants to pretend that he does not care for you. This is his way of letting you know that you need to apologize or fix your mistake.
If he gets angry over small things, then it could be an indicator of him expecting you to do something that you have not done yet.
If he is angry at you but still loves you, chances are that his anger will subside over time. However, you can accelerate this process by making sure that you care for him the way you normally would. Even if you don’t make up for your perceived mistake (because you did not know what it was), he will eventually learn to let it go.
What is Emotional Abandonment in a Marriage?
Emotional abandonment is one of the most common reasons for a divorce. When you feel like you cannot turn to your husband for support, he has probably abandoned you emotionally. Everything else may be normal in your marriage, but you will stop turning towards your husband with your problems if he has emotionally abandoned you.
Let me make this clear, just because you are having sex does not mean that you also have the necessary emotional support. Your husband may still be attracted to you and he may still feel like making love to you on a regular basis. However, he will not care for you, and his behavior will show it (e.g. he will hurt your feelings and not seem to care!).
The major problem with emotional abandonment is that people do not even realize that their spouse feels this way. Married couples that have trouble communicating can often grow apart with time whilst completely fulfilling their duties (e.g. providing for their families, keeping the house clean, being on good terms with their in-laws).
I will not discuss emotional abandonment in depth here, as I have already covered that previously. Instead, let’s take a look at how to make your husband realize what he is doing to you.
What do You do When Your Husband Doesn’t Care About Your Feelings?
If your husband does not love you anymore, then you are in a difficult spot. In that case, I would recommend reaching out to a marriage counselor. A marriage counselor is an expert in understanding where the two of you are in the relationship. He or she will be able to help you openly discuss your problems and come to a solution that is agreeable to you both.
If you feel that your husband still wants to be with you but has other reasons for hurting your feelings, there are certain things that you can do.
Do Not Emotionally Abandon Him
No matter what you do, make sure you do not adopt the same behavior as your husband. If you want to save your marriage, then you must make him realize that you are someone worth caring for.
You must also ask yourself whether or not you have already emotionally abandoned him. In fact, this could be the very reason why he keeps on hurting your feelings. As stated previously, most people do not even realize that they are not fulfilling their spouse’s emotional needs.
Try to analyze your behavior in the last few months. Was there a pressing matter that was taking up your time? Did you take up a new hobby that did not allow you to spend as much time with your husband as you did previously? Was there a change in your schedule that meant you and your husband could not see each other as often?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then it is time to ask your husband whether his marriage gives him everything he desires.
Ask Him What’s Wrong
Continuing from the previous section, make sure to ask your husband if you have been meeting his emotional needs. Conversely, if you have been having less sex than you did previously, ask him whether he would like to have more. Sometimes, I see men act out when they aren’t ‘getting any’.
Also, utilize the same talk to tell him how you feel. This is not only the time to let him know how unfairly he has treated you, but also to tell him how much you love him. Tell him how important he is to you, and how empty your life has been in the last few months due to his behavior.
If you think that your husband is not able to pay any attention to you due to external reasons (e.g. work), ask him how you can help. Let him know that you are there for him and he can talk to you about any problem that he is going through. Your objective here is to make him trust you once again. Say and do anything that you can to make it happen.
What if my Husband Continues to Hurt my Feelings?
If you have tried everything (including professional help) and your husband still acts the same way, then it might be time to consider divorce.
Just to be clear, you should only think about divorce after your husband has not been caring about your feelings for a long time. I always advise couples to think about what they stand to lose in the case of a divorce.
Apart from the obvious such as having to go through the separation of your finances, your children’s future being in peril, and moving into a new house (for at least one of you). You will also be truly alone once again. If you thought that emotional abandonment was bad, imagine how bad emotional isolation will be!
