Help! My husband fell out of love with me! Why? Is there a way back? What should I do?
Your husband, who was madly in love with you doesn’t seem to feel the same way about you anymore. Changes in his behavior left you wondering if he fell out of love with you or just needs some space. Did he fall for somebody else? How to know for sure what’s happening?
All marriages, even the rock-solid ones go through rough patches. After being married to each other for quite some time, the honeymoon phase wears off. Meanwhile, both spouses keep growing and evolving into different versions of themselves. If there is a lack of constant effort to keep up with that new persona and be in love with each other, one or both spouses might feel that they’ve fallen out of love with their partners.
Did that happen with you two? Is your marriage doomed or can you make him fall in love with you once again? Lucky for you I’m going to tell you the surefire signs he fell out of love with you and what you can do about it.
How Do You Know If Your Husband Has Fallen out of Love with You?
Look for these telltale signs to know if your husband has fallen out of love with you. This is painful but the sooner you figure out what’s really going on the sooner you can start trying to win him back.
You Two Don’t Talk Anymore
When you first met your husband, he couldn’t stop asking about your dreams, goals, and aspirations. Now he doesn’t even seem to care about what’s happening in your life, never asks how your day was, or doesn’t want to talk about his day. He acts indifferent or leaves the room whenever you try to have a conversation with him.
He isn’t fully present even when he is sitting right next to you. You get a feeling that he’s not interested in whatever you’ve got to say. He not only doesn’t talk about your daily lives, there’s not a word about your future anymore. He appears to be completely checked out of the relationship.
He’d Rather Spend Time With Anybody Else
When your husband is falling out of love with you, he’d find excuses not to spend time with you. He suddenly got too busy at work and you barely see him around. However, this one’s a little tricky. If there are no other signs and your spouse cares enough to include you in whatever is going on, he’s probably just swamped with work.
In that case, he’d try to make up for the lost time with you over the weekends. But, if he doesn’t have those loving feelings he had before, he’d rather make plans with his buddies for the weekends. If he is never taking you out for dinner and not spending alone time with you at all, he’s not invested in the relationship anymore.
He is Always Irritable with You
If your husband isn’t in love with you anymore, he’ll pick fights over small things. All of your romantic gestures will fall short of his expectations. If anything you’ll see him routinely getting mad over insignificant things. Doesn’t matter whatever you do, it’s never enough to be on his good books lately.
To make things worse, he doesn’t want to talk about it. If he’s still in love with you but frequently lashes out at you due to stress at work or any underlying mental health issues, he’ll try to fix it afterward. However, if he doesn’t feel that way anymore he’d be totally ignoring your attempts to mend the fences.
I’ve gone into this one in more detail before. If it’s something you’re dealing with often, it’s worth taking a look: why does my husband get angry over small things?
He Never Initiates Intimacy Anymore
Intimacy is a lot more than just having sex. It’s about letting your partner know how much you appreciate having them in your life. When your husband is falling out of love, you won’t feel desired and loved in the relationship. Maybe because he stopped showing affection the way he used to before.
Every couple has their own way of displaying affection. If that came to a halt and he pulls away every time you try to touch him, and on top of that he doesn’t want to talk about it like everything else, it’s because he might’ve fallen out of love with you.
He Belittles and Criticizes You
Sure he doesn’t have time to give you a compliment these days. But, he’s the first one to point out if you start putting on a little weight. Your new haircut doesn’t cut it for him anymore. He makes fun of you in front of his family and friends and doesn’t seem to care if that hurts your feelings.
Whatever you do for him or the family, he never appreciates them. He doesn’t ask your opinion before making important life decisions. Looks like all he cares about is himself and there’s no room for you. You see him treating others with the same kindness you saw in him when you first met. But, you’re the only one who doesn’t seem to be worthy of that anymore.
There are No Apologies or Efforts
Hurting your feelings seems to have no effect on him. He doesn’t apologize for his behavior nor does he make any romantic gesture to make up for the pain he’s caused you. Your well-being or happiness seems to be the least of his concerns.
Your texts and calls go unanswered throughout the day and he gives the age-old excuse of being busy. He doesn’t try to resolve any conflicts and stonewalls you for days. He forgets your birthday and the milestones of your relationship. You don’t remember getting gifts or feeling appreciated in your marriage in a really long time.
He Doesn’t Want Sex or That’s All He Ever Wants
It’s one of the most obvious signs to look out for. If your husband doesn’t show any signs of intimacy, acts cold and distant inside and outside of the bedroom, it might be because he fell out of love with you. He doesn’t even notice you anymore no matter how beautiful you look. Your efforts to initiate sex go in vain.
On the flip side, you might see him showing affection only when he wants sex from you. At other times he acts like you’re invisible. If you try to initiate sex, he says he’s tired. He seems to be focused on solely his needs while completely disregarding yours.
Can My Husband Fall Back in Love with Me?
YES. While it will take conscious effort and an unwavering commitment to your marriage, it’s possible to make him fall in love with you all over again.
Working to get your marriage back is not the same as begging for attention from your husband. It’s about looking for the actual cause of the problem and dealing with it.
Conduct a Root Cause Analysis and Take Actions
Identifying what created the distance between you is the first step toward getting your husband to fall in love with you again. Life gets in the way, issues like raising children and financial distress take a toll on both of you and you stop putting each other first. If your husband’s needs were being ignored and you didn’t get to communicate to sort it out, talk to him.
If you have been preoccupied with work and children while he felt like an outsider, you need to start investing time and energy into the relationship to make him see you still love him more than anything. Find something that you both love to do and start doing it together. Shared interests are what got you together in the first place.
In long-term relationships, it’s normal to develop separate interests over time. Start showing interest in the things he loves. The more time you spend with him playing his favorite sport or watching the game together the more he’ll find himself reminiscing everything he used to love about you.
Make Time to Make Love
To reignite the sparks, start making sex a priority. Make an intentional effort to look sexy and touch him more often even if he pulls away. Don’t force it but leave subtle hints for him to slowly pick up. Let him know that you’d be open to trying out new things in the bedroom.
Bring the gestures of affection back to life. Kiss him passionately and say the ‘L’ word. Guys love to hear it too. Plan a surprise trip for the two of you and convince him to give it a chance. Remember that he might not take it as graciously as you’d hoped. But that’s why we’re going out on a limb here.
Make this your second honeymoon and remind him why he fell in love with you the first time. Connect with him again. Be as accepting and loving as you can. Ask him about his unmet expectations and express how deeply you miss the good old days. If it’s not possible to take a trip, just get away from your ordinary daily routine if it’s just for one night.
Start Taking Care of Yourself
Yes, you read that right. What does that has to do with anything you ask? Everything. When you start making yourself a priority and start taking care of yourself, you start to feel and look better. That automatically will make your husband notice you again.
So, while trying to make him fall for you, instead of chasing him all the time, make sure to change your focus from him to yourself at times. Lose the mommy-tummy. Go to the gym. Get new clothes that make you feel sexier and happier. He’ll start seeing the positive change in your vibes and feel attracted to you again.
Show him that you’ve got a life outside of the marriage. Make yourself happy. Treat yourself to a spa day. Hire a babysitter for the children and make plans with your girlfriends. Instead of always waiting for him, sometimes let him miss you when he comes home and you’re busy hanging out with friends.
There Are a Few More Things You Should Try
- Treat him with respect and criticize less.
- Make him realize he’s losing you.
- Thank him for everything he does.
- Let him feel special by complimenting him.
- Bring the fun back into the relationship.
- Give counseling a try.
Maintaining a healthy relationship takes way more than living under the same roof. You need to continually make effort to connect with each other emotionally, sexually, and psychologically.