Disgust is a strong word. People often tend to use softer words when they think about their spouse. For example, they may use words such as contempt, dislike, or even frustrated. If the foremost thought on your mind is ‘My husband disgusts me’, then things have obviously gotten pretty bad. You may be wondering whether this is the end of your marriage, and that’s what we discuss here.
When your husband disgusts you, it is usually because he himself or the nature of your relationship with him has changed in some way. The survival of your relationship with him depends on you finding out why he has changed and convincing him to change his behavior.
First, let’s explore the reasons why you may be disgusted by your husband.
Is it Normal to be Disgusted by Your Husband?
It’s likely this disgust and resentment is a symptom of something else wrong with the marriage and not the actual problem itself. Take a minute to complete our marriage assessment quiz and we can help narrow down the actual problem.
This is not a trick question. It is not normal to be disgusted by your husband. Your husband should be someone who only makes you feel love for him. The burning passion that you had for him when you initially married is bound to devolve into something more toned-down and comfortable. However, it is never meant to degrade to the point of disgust.
In general, couples start to find each other disgusting when their marriage is running into huge problems. Even if they stop loving each other, they still usually have feelings of respect and affection. Disgust only comes into play when all intimacy has been lost in a relationship.
Here are the three most common reasons why you may think that your husband is disgusting:
- He cheated on you and you are unable to come to terms with it.
- He has changed and is different from the person you married. Your ‘new husband’ has qualities and habits that you cannot stand.
- He has treated you terribly for a long time, and your marriage seems doomed from the way he is behaving.
The three aforementioned reasons should cover why you hate your spouse. Let’s take a look at each of these three problems and how you can solve them.
Your Husband Cheated on You
Over half of the couples end up staying together after one of them cheats. However, many of them do not properly put the incident in the past, and their marriage continues to have problems because of it.
You may be having a hard time trusting your husband after his affair. All of his confessions of love for you may be marred by the thought of the other woman as soon as you look at his face. What’s more, you might have difficulties trusting him whenever he stays late at work or doesn’t come home for another reason.
If your husband cheated on you and you are unable to look at him without disgust, this doesn’t mean that your marriage is at an end. Here are some things you should try:
Of course, it would be better if your husband hadn’t cheated on you in the first place. That said, you need to now take him at his face value.
Unless he has given you reasons to suspect that he is cheating again, everything he says should be accepted as the truth. You believed that he would never lie to you during the early stages of your marriage. You need to do so again. It is best for couples to start anew once they have decided to stay married after an affair.
Even if you have decided to stay with him after his infidelity, it doesn’t mean that you have forgiven him. It can take a long time to forgive a cheating spouse. There will be a lot of unresolved feelings that you need to get through.
I would advise going to a marriage counselor. It would be even better if you can convince your husband to go with you. Considering the fact that he will be eager to make up for his mistake and extremely considerate of your feelings, convincing him should not be difficult.
A marriage counselor will be able to properly assist you as to what you should do. They will not only help you come to terms with your husband’s affair, but they might also help you communicate better. This will improve your relationship and help you put his affair in the past.
Normalize Your Relationship
Try to take steps to return to normalcy. For example, you may not feel like having sex with your husband. The thought of him with another woman may be too fresh.
Still, try your best. It may be difficult at first, but falling in love again is not difficult. Start with little acts such as holding hands in public. Slowly increase the intimacy in your marriage until you are comfortable with him once again.
Returning to your old routine is the best thing you can do, with one exception. Figure out what went wrong and fix it. If it was the lack of expressing your love, then express your love. If the two of you weren’t having enough sex, then try to have more. Think of the past as a learning experience, and use it to better your marriage.
Your Husband Has Changed
No person in their right mind marries someone they loathe. Your husband obviously seemed like the man of your dreams when you married him.
If he has changed, then you may feel like you don’t love your husband anymore. Your spouse may have developed habits that make you resent him, such as drinking too much or not caring about his health, work, etc.
In this case, there are only a few things you can do, such as:
Talk to Him
If you are sure it is impossible to live with your husband in his current state, then let him know. Do it in a gentle manner that assures him that you are willing to work things out. After all, if he manages to let go of all the habits that make you find him disgusting, then it is possible for your relationship to return to normal.
I have previously discussed how you can make your husband realize that he is losing you. Convincing your spouse that he needs to put in more work in order to make his marriage work is the best thing you can do.
Get Him Help
If he is struggling with a problem that can be solved through support groups and professional help, then get him that.
He may be resistant to such a thing, but that is where you need to put your foot down. Make it clear that the survival of your marriage depends on him getting better. If he does not stop whatever it is that bothers you, then your relationship with him could be at an end.
Your Husband Treats You Terribly
It is possible that you begin to feel disgust towards your husband when he does not care for you the way he used to. It may seem like he simply does not love you anymore.
For example, he may get angry for no reason and constantly berate you for everything that you. At other times, he will pay no attention to you and act as if you don’t exist.
When this happens, there are deep underlying problems in your marriage that you need to fix. While seeking professional help is the best thing you can do in this regard, here are some other things you should try:
Take Small Steps to Rebuild Your Love
Little things can stack up over time and help revitalize your love for each other. For example, if you are sleeping in different rooms, try to convince him to sleep in the same bed with you. Being able to talk (and make love?) before you sleep may help the two of you realize once again why you married each other in the first place.
Other steps include going on dates, discovering new hobbies together, and doing anything that would get you to spend more time together.
If you have children, spending more time with them together is probably the best way to rebuild your relationship. Both of you will try to avoid fighting each other as much as possible in front of the children. This will force you to talk about things in a positive manner, and help your reconnect with each other.
It is almost certain that both of you have made mistakes for your marriage to get to this point. Try to have an honest and objective discussion with your husband about how the two of you can be better.
The main goal here is to not let these discussions become a fight. Even if your spouse tries to provoke you, stay levelheaded and come up with ways through which the two of you would be able to work things out.
Try to get him to speak about what he thinks is wrong in your marriage, and what you can do to make it better. Evaluate everything he says and decide whether he was correct or not. Amicably working through your differences is the only way to save your marriage.
Express Your Feelings
It is important that you tell your spouse how his actions make you feel. He must know that while he may not feel particularly good about you at this point, the way he is acting is no way to treat his wife.
You have to make him understand that if he wants to make his marriage work, then he must treat you better. Staying in this ‘limbo’ state where he treats you terribly but still stays married to you is no way to live. It will only cause both of you to resent each other more and more.