When people get married, it is almost always for the right reasons. Divorce, on the other hand, can be very complicated. For example, people may get divorced during a time of extreme difficulty, only to realize that they miss their spouse. For whatever reason, if you regret cheating and divorcing your husband, I am here to help you get him back.
In a situation like this, the vast majority of the blame rests with you. It is up to you to change yourself and make your husband see that you have changed. While your ex-husband may still love you, he will have difficulty trusting you again. Making him trust you is the hardest part in convincing him to get back together.
Let’s start by how you can determine if you really want your husband back.
How do I Know if I Really Made a Mistake?
Before you take steps to win your husband back, you must make sure that you want him back. Make sure you’ve taken our marriage assessment quiz if you haven’t already.
If you cheated on him and then you were the one who wanted the divorce, chances are that you thought you weren’t happy. Most women in this position think that their husbands are holding them back. They could be a lot more successful and happier if they were single.
Of course, the reality is different. While a small number of women do find true happiness in their divorce, most realize that the grass only seemed greener on the other side. They find out that although the ‘puppy-dog’ love that they had with their husband was finished, their relationship was still much deeper and much more meaningful than they initially thought.
Here is how you can determine if you actually regret your divorce.
Make Sure You Don’t Miss the Organizational Help
Before you decide to get back together with your husband, you must determine why you want him back.
Is it because you love him and you miss him or is it because he took the kids to school? Is it because he was your best friend, or is it because the house was cleaner with two people to clean it? Is it because he supported you in your endeavors and was your main confidant, or is it because it is difficult to run a house with only one income?
A lot of women want to get back together with their husbands for the wrong reasons. If you only want him back in your life because it is simply hard being single, then you will only feel more miserable once you are back with him.
Keep Your Kids in Mind
Divorce is harder on kids than anyone else. If you have kids of your own, then you need to keep them in mind before you make the decision.
First, you need to consider how good of a father your ex-husband is. Will the kids be happier if the two of you were back together?
Secondly, you also need to consider what you would do if you started dating your husband again and realized that you wanted to be apart. Can you imagine the havoc it would wreak on your kids’ lives? This should tell you how important it is to be sure that you want your ex-husband back before you try to reconcile.
Lastly, you may also want to consider the financial aspect. For example, being back together with your husband and having the financial support may allow your kids to go to better schools, have better clothes, and generally lead better lives. If their lives will be improved, then there is an added benefit to being back together with your husband. However, finances should never be the only factor that influences your decision.
Try Dating Someone Else
Dating other people would help you put things in perspective. I am not saying you should get into a serious relationship. I am just saying that you should see what else is out there.
If your husband is the only person you can think about even when you are out with other men, then it’s obvious that you still have feelings for him.
However, if you find yourself enjoying the dates and looking forward to them, then you may need some more time to think.
I would suggest that you go on at least a few dates before making your final decision. If possible, you may even want to go on these dates with different people (or double date with your friends). The point here is to reap the benefits of a single life. Maybe there is someone else out there who is much better for you than your ex? You won’t know unless you try to find out.
I Want Him back – What do I do?
After thinking things through, if you are adamant that you want him back, then you need to get on it right away before another woman snatches him from under you.
Remember that you must not be too hasty. During the process, you must give him time to get over the hurt you have caused him. It will be a while before he is able to trust you again. That said, here is what you should do to get him back:
Reinitiate Contact/Build a Relationship
He needs to see your good side. It is possible that the two of you are in contact. It is also probable that the two of you are on good terms (or at least not on bad terms).
Try to rebuild some form of friendship with him. If you have kids, then the two of you will need to occasionally see each other. Use that time to reinstate the bond that you once had.
Before you are able to get back with him, you need to lay the groundwork. The hostility that arose in your marriage needs to be wiped away. You can do that by talking to him and thinking of him as a friend. Hopefully, he feels the same way and reciprocates.
Analyze Your Marriage
See what went wrong. Obviously, you cheated on him. However, that was probably only the final spark that ignited the flame of your divorce.
Look back on your marriage and make a list of all your mistakes. Also, make a list of all the mistakes that you think he made. Try to be as objective and as comprehensive as possible.
If the two of you are close enough, you may even ask him his opinion. Think of it as a character-building exercise. Tell him that you want to become a better person, and you want his help to change yourself. This will not only help you understand his side of the story but also make the two of you closer in the process.
Truly apologize to him. Let him know how much you regret cheating on him. Tell him how your affair ruined your marriage and your life, and you cannot imagine what he went through.
Try to get him to open up and tell you his side of the story. Couples rarely discuss their feelings with each other when going through a divorce. He may have a lot to say to you that he has held back. Tell him that now’s the time to tell you everything.
Ask him for forgiveness. Even if he isn’t ready to forgive you yet, there may come a time when he has dealt with his emotions and is ready to move past your betrayal. That is when you can move on to the next step.
Let Him Know of Your Intentions
Tell him that divorcing him was the biggest mistake you have ever made. Let him know that you want to get back together, and you will do whatever it takes.
Try to come up with a plan beforehand that you can share. For example, the two of you could try dating again. Taking things slow is the best option for people in your situation. This way, he can see for himself that you have changed, and you can make sure that you actually want to get back together.
If he is resistant, tell him to think about it. You cannot force him to do anything. You can only tell him what you want. Even if he refuses, be persistent. By persistent, I don’t mean to insist and be adamant that you want to get back together. Instead, give it a little time and show him how you are a better person now than you were back then. Eventually, politely ask him if he would be willing to consider the possibility of you being back together again.
Act Out What You Have Learned
If you are lucky enough to get another chance, make sure you don’t screw things up.
A large part of this post has been dedicated to finding out where things went wrong. Use what you have learned to be a better person, wife, and mother.
The first few weeks when the two of you begin dating are the most crucial. This is when you must show him that he can be with you again, and you will not repeat the same mistakes twice.
One last thing to remember is that you should still treat him as an equal. Just because it was your wish to get back together doesn’t mean that he should have the upper hand in the relationship. If he does something wrong, feel free to reproach him. You may also discuss with him the list that you made of his mistakes. However, make sure that you do it in a polite and constructive manner.
Fights are also acceptable. After all, what couple doesn’t fight? However, learn from your fights in the past and try to reach a compromise, instead of digging up the past and playing the ‘blame game’ all over again.