My husband talks about a female coworker too often? Should I be worried? What should I do about it?
Your husband doesn’t keep anything from you and religiously shares the nitty-gritty of his workplace. While it’s all good, you keep hearing a certain name far too often. Your husband can’t stop talking about this female coworker in his office. Is it an innocent crush? Is it a sign that he likes her? Should you be worried that he’s cheating with her?
Having a good relationship with a female coworker and being friends with someones of the opposite sex in the office is no crime. We spend one-third of our lives at work. It’s only normal to get close to someone during that time. But how close is too close that it starts affecting your relationship? If your husband can’t stop talking about a female coworker, it can be simply because he spends the whole day with her, working together. But, if he brings her up in every conversation, it’s not unlikely that something else is going on.
So, should you be concerned when your husband can’t leave his “office wife’ at work? Are they just friends? Can that woman be trusted? Read on and I’ll tell you when you should be worried and when you should just take a back seat and relax.
Should You Be Worried?
It’s normal for you to feel agitated if your husband constantly jabbers about his female coworker. But, is it just harmless oversharing on his part or should you be worried? Keep reading and answer these questions to figure out if you should lose sleep over it or let it slide.
How Does He Talk About Her?
If he talks about her in a non-sexual way, maybe their relationship is strictly platonic and professional. Does he include unnecessary details about her looks? Something like how she looked obscenely beautiful today? If not and he is only focused on how she helped him with today’s presentation, don’t dwell on it.
If his story is about how helpful and professional she is, chances are he respects her and likes working with her. But it sure is a red flag if he can’t stop talking about how she takes everyone’s breath away at work. If that keeps happening frequently it’s because he might have a crush on his female colleague. Look for other signs to be certain if he likes his female coworker.
Does He Try to Reassure You?
When you tell him about your concern, see if he acts supportive or defensive. If they’re nothing but co-workers, he wouldn’t mind clarifying things to put your mind at ease. He might even offer you to meet her over lunch so that you get to know her and feel better about the whole thing.
You can invite her and a few other coworkers over for dinner and see how they act around each other. But, he wouldn’t want you to meet her if there’s something else going on. He’d deflect and turn the story around to make it look like you’re being neurotic for nothing.
Does He Talk About Her Life Outside Work?
When he talks about her a lot but none of them is about her life outside work, you needn’t worry about it. If he doesn’t follow her social media and you’ve never found him lurking on her feed, his interest in her might be totally professional.
But, what if he keeps a tab on her and keeps talking about where she went on holiday, how she enjoys her life and he wishes he could join her? That’s not good for you or your marriage. He’s obsessed with her and she’s more than just a woman he works with.
Does Your Husband Act Differently?
Does he still show affection to you as always? Did anything change in your marriage? Even if you don’t like him being too excited about a female coworker and they seem awfully close to you, you can’t really stop him from seeing or talking to her.
And if he’s still the same loving husband to you and an amazing father to your kids, don’t get too worked up about it. If he texts you to check on you while with her and tries to make you a part of his life as much as he can, you shouldn’t question your husband’s loyalty.
However, if he starts acting suspicious and tries to avoid your calls and never returns your texts, it doesn’t look good. If he starts hiding things from you, pulls away when you try to initiate sex, it might be because he’s into that woman and they’re more than just work buddies.
Is He at Her Beck And Call?
When he talks about her, does he sound really caring and empathetic toward her? Are there incidents when she is in need of help and in a city filled with her friends and family, your husband is the one who runs to save her every time she calls? How chivalrous of him! But, that has to stop.
There’s no harm in being helpful to our coworkers. However, he’s a married man and should remember that there’s a fine line between being overfriendly and flirty. You on the other hand shouldn’t extrapolate one isolated incident and accuse him of cheating. But, if he’s at her beck and call after work, find out what’s going on there.
When they go out after hours, is it with the rest of the office or just the two of them? If you regularly find him drinking with coworkers after work, that might be just an office tradition. But if the coworker is just her all the time, you need to talk some sense into him.
Are You Being Compared to Her?
While blabbering about her, does he compare you to her? Do you come off as the better person or worse? If he goes on about how he told her about what an amazing wife you are and she wants to meet you, you can feel flattered and get over it.
But what if he starts saying that she takes good care of her and goes to the gym regularly with a subtle hint that you should lose some weight too? What if he compares your cooking to the lunch she brought the other day? Looks like someone’s into his female coworker a little more than he should be.
Are They Getting Too Personal?
Does he talk about buying her a gift on her birthday? If the whole office organizes something for her and he chips in that’s only normal. But, if he goes out of his way to buy a thoughtful gift and accepts personal gifts from her as well, he’s way out of line and should be reminded of that.
Does she have a pet name given by your husband? Is it something funny that the whole office calls her or is it something personal like ‘darling’ or ‘pumpkin’? Does he know a little too much about her family, her first-time sex, or something that normally isn’t discussed between coworkers?
Does he see her as a confidante and doesn’t mind sharing your private life with her? Is there feedback from her regarding your marital issues? If your husband talks about how she understands him better than you do, he certainly is crossing the line.
What can you do about it?
There are times when you can feel in your guts that your husband is into someone else. Affair with a coworker is quite common. While that’s a well-known fact, the truth is nobody knows your husband better than you.
If he has been acting differently, hiding his phone from you, spending more time at the office without giving any explanation, you should look for other signs to figure out if he is cheating with his female coworker. If not, try doing the following and see how it goes.
- Openly communicate with him. In a loving and calm manner of course. Tell him that it’s not that you don’t enjoy chatting about his work and the infamous female colleague. But, hearing her name that often makes you feel left out and jealous. Ask him if he’d appreciate it if the situation was reversed? Hopefully, he’d understand and leave his work spouse at the office.
- Take care of yourself and your relationship. Spend quality time with him. carve time out to go out on dates with him. Look sexy and spice up your sex life. Make sure it doesn’t turn into a boring routine that he has to look for thrills outside the marriage. Not that it’s justified, but guys tend to lean towards cheating when their needs aren’t being met at home or they don’t find their marriage exciting.
- Tell him to put his phone on silent after office hours. If he can’t stop talking about it because that woman texts him at all hours, you should ask him to talk to her about it. Sure they work together and became good friends but she shouldn’t get into your bedroom while you’re making love. Setting boundaries will help him understand that there’s a mark he shouldn’t overstep as a married man.
- Every time he starts talking about her, changes the subject by talking about something else. Maybe he does it unintentionally. Since they work very closely together, her name comes automatically as part of his stories. You don’t want him to stop talking about his day altogether, do you?
- If there’s no dramatic change in your husband’s mood or behavior toward you, him talking too much about a coworker, doesn’t mean anything and you should just accept it. You vowed to love him for better and for worse, didn’t you? In this case, his only vice is being an oversharer.
- If there are no other signs that suggest he’s cheating on you, you should stop obsessing over it. Start taking care of yourself and living your life. The more time you spend looking for signs that he’s having an affair, the less time you’ll have for you and your relationship. Moreover, accusing him of cheating or threatening him to stop working or talking to her will only make him feel resentful toward you.
You don’t want to come off as a controlling wife. So, don’t do anything rash and deal tactfully to win him back.