It is almost impossible to get away with anything in marriage. When your lives are intertwined to such an extreme, lying should be considered pointless. However, people constantly try to avoid telling the truth, hoping their lies will not be caught. If your husband lies and hides things from you and you are unable to figure out what to do, read on!
There are two main reasons why your husband may lie to you. Either he is making important financial decisions without your consent, or he is cheating on you. You first need to figure out which one of the two (or both) applies to your husband. After that, there are steps you can take to deal with your husband’s lies.
If lying is a frequent issue there might be a deeper problem that needs to be addressed. If you haven’t already, take the marriage assessment test and we can get your marriage back on track.
Why Does My Husband Lie to me About Everything?
There may be a million reasons why your husband may feel the constant need to lie. In rare cases, he may be lying to protect you from something. Something that you may be better off not knowing. If this is the case, you will be able to see it once the truth becomes apparent.
In most cases, your husband is lying to you either because of money or because he is having an affair.
Your Husband Could be Hiding Financial Matters
It is possible that your husband has made some decisions that have affected your finances. The good thing is that it is almost impossible for your husband to get away with this. Try to think about your husband’s behavior, has he hidden things from you such as bank and credit card statements, mail, etc? If he has, it could be he is spending money without your consent.
If your husband is using that money to purchase expensive items for himself, then you will be able to notice it. keep an eye out for new clothes, accessories, tech products, and anything else that looks expensive. If you notice him purchasing a lot of things, then this is why he is lying.
It could also be that your spouse is using that money to fuel a particular vice. For example, he could be gambling, doing drugs, or engaging in prostitution. If this is the case, then you will notice him lying about his whereabouts as well.
Your Husband Could be Cheating on You
It is possible that your husband is cheating on you. In this case, he will not try to hide financial documents, but rather his personal items. For example, if you have always had access to his phone but you notice a new security code, he is probably hiding something.
Most importantly, he will make excuses to leave the house and not be able to provide you his exact whereabouts. Usually, I notice that husbands start lying only sporadically to get away from their spouses. However, the frequency increases as they come careless and want to spend more time with their mistress.
It is possible to confront your husband if you think he is cheating, even without proof. When you talk to him, his body language will give you a lot of signals as to whether he is lying or not. You have known your husband for many years, and it should not be hard for you to confirm your suspicions this way. Sometimes, husbands feel guilty about their lies and end up telling everything when confronted.
Is it OK to Hide Things From Your Spouse?
In most cases, it is not okay to hide things from your spouse. As I mentioned above, there may be a few exceptions to this. For example, your husband may not want to give you bad news at a time when he knows you are under a lot of pressure at work. Or, he may not want to upset you when you are pregnant because he does not want to cause you any more stress.
When you are married, you should always discuss important matters with each other. Of course, a cheating husband would never tell you that he is in love with another woman. However, he should be open to your help and support if he develops a gambling addiction or is unable to control his spending.
The problem is that everybody wants a perfect marriage, even if it’s a facade. As such, your husband may think that he can get away with his lies and keep his home life perfect. It is up to you to make him realize that this is not the way marriage works. He cannot continue hiding things from you if he expects the two of you to stay married.
Get to The Bottom of His Lies
Before you confront your husband, you must find out what he is hiding from you. Here are a few tips on how to do that:
- If he hides financial documents, try requesting an additional copy directly from the institution.
- If he is lying about his whereabouts, verify his presence by calling the people that he says he will be with.
- Make excuses to use his phone and computer, then check his communications (you can also consider using a phone spy app).
- If you can afford it, hire a licensed private investigator to trail him and confirm that he goes where he says he does.
- You probably know a lot of his friends, ask them about him and see if you can learn something (make sure to do it casually so that he does not become suspicious of you).
How do You Deal With a Husband Who Lies?
By now, you should know why your husband lied to you. I firmly believe that when someone feels the need to compulsively lie to their spouse, their marriage is doomed unless they change their behavior. Once you have enough evidence, it is important that you confront your husband.
Should You Confront The Other Woman?
If your husband is cheating on you, you may be tempted to confront the other woman. There are only a few situations where this is a good idea. Your marriage mainly revolves around the way you and your husband interact. As such, it is much easier to convince him to leave the other woman for good rather than convince her to stay away.
Here is what you should do when talking to your husband:
Let Him Know His Mistakes if he Has Hurt You
When your husband is hiding an affair, then you can come from a position of power. Just remember that if you are sure that you cannot forgive him, then it is useless to be angry at him. If your mind is set on a divorce, then you should go ahead immediately and stop wasting your time on him.
However, if you think that you can still save your marriage, then you should tell him how you feel. Make him understand the gravity of the situation (if he doesn’t stop, your marriage is over). However, also emphasize how you are willing to forgive him and rebuild if he would be willing to do so.
If he Needs Help, Show Him That You Can Help Him
If the reason why your husband lied to you was that he was embarrassed by it, then you must comfort him. It is important to show him the evidence that you collected. It will make him realize that he cannot get away with anything.
There is no reason not to show your disappointment. He is your husband, and he should discuss with you everything that ends up affecting you (and your children if you have any).
However, it is equally important that he understands your purpose. The burden is on you to make him understand how his wife can help him get through this difficult time. Once he understands that he does not need to be embarrassed about his failures, you will find him to be much more open in the future.
What if Your Husband Continues to Lie?
Despite all your efforts, if your husband lies and hides things still, then he may have deep-rooted issues with trusting someone else. In this case, I would recommend that the two of you seek professional help. A marriage counselor can help him understand how his lies end up hurting his family. He or she can figure out his ‘trust issues’ and deal with them directly.
I would especially advise you to seek a counselor if you caught him cheating and are considering a divorce. We are all human, and all of us can make mistakes. Before you pull the trigger and call your lawyer, you should see if there is any way for you to save your marriage. You may be surprised by how many couples I have seen get past cheating and have fulfilling, happy marriages.
If all of this fails, your last step may be to threaten him with a divorce. If he sees that you are serious about leaving him, it may help him wake up and change himself. When you have tried everything else, an ultimatum may be the only thing left to give. If he still fails to correct himself, then you should prioritize your happiness over everything else and opt for a divorce.