Learning how to win your wife back during separation begins with reacting quickly. It’s not uncommon for marriages to come back stronger, but the quicker you react the easier you’re going to find it. So what do you need to do?
Winning your wife back during separation means building your communication skills between the two of you, fixing the issues which led to separation and guiding both you and your wife back to the marriage.
Easier said than done, right? I often say life gets in the way of love. You’re both the same people you were when you married we just need to get you both back to that stage.
Can Couples Come Back From Separation?
Yes is the simple answer, you can get back together. I have helped many couples do this, and it is difficult but doable. The will to save the marriage is what carries many back together, and how that is achieved is really to do with the approach you now take. 13% of couples get back together after a formal separation. For the 87% who remain apart, it’s usually more down to not having the will to reconcile.
I’m going to get into some general advice for couples going through separation which I do think will help. Take a moment to complete the marriage assessment quiz and we can look more specifically at your marriage (and how to get it back on track).
I always say long term it takes two to work on a marriage – but even when it only feels like one of you cares enough, that’s enough to get you both back on track. If it feels like you’re alone in this, you can still come back from separation provided you put in the effort.
If you want to be one of the 13% you are partly there, you need to now know how to get your wife back, and I have some sound advice on how to achieve that based on my work with couples to date.
If you are asking how do I get my wife back you have the will already, the fact that you are reading this means you are open to trying things differently, these are two things that help your chances of saving this relationship already.
I do have a complete guide on how to save your marriage which you might want to take a look at if you haven’t already. We can cover the basics on how to win her back specifically during a separation – just bear with me because there’s quite a lot to cover.
How Do You Win Your Wife Back Before It’s Too Late?
I am going to share some good advice I have learned through helping others do this, and I am going to start with some thoughts on what really doesn’t work. I am starting with this because once you try some of these tactics your job of getting back after separation just gets harder if not impossible. So avoid these common bear traps.
What Doesn’t Work in Trying to Get Your Wife Back
You can win her back but you cannot bully her into it or just beg her to take you back. The behaviors associated with these actions, yelling screaming, apologizing and doing it again, turning up at her door, phoning texting constantly are never going to work. Neither is pleading, crying, begging. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t show your vulnerable side and tears might be part of that in discussions and in the course of working things out. But loud showy crying and begging do not work well.
You cannot use social pressure, you cannot get your wife back by going through all her friends and family and going to her work. you cannot get her back through Facebook, I have seen men try! It is best to back off talking about your marriage to her friends and family.
Most importantly here, if there are children you cannot use the kids to manipulate your way back in. Your kids need handling well at this time, you are responsible for them, they are not responsible for you.
These may read like pieces of teaching your granny to suck eggs advice, but trust men many men have tried and failed because these are the tactics they have used.
Going Back to What?
Before I start to talk about how to win back your wife, get your marriage back, I want to be clear that things have to change, they were cracked if you are now separated, not broken, but cracked and you cannot paper over the cracks if you want a good long term marriage.
What you want is to get back to what you had. To get your wife back and pick up where you left off. The bad news is there is no going back to the way it was. The good news is, it has to be about going back to something better. This means you both have to want it to be better than it was, and be prepared to put the work in to make that happen.
You cannot just erase the separation, and you cannot erase the cause of it. Whether it was, some form of betrayal and there are many types of betrayal in marriage or a slow loss of love and loss of care, this has to be addressed. You will succeed in getting your wife back if you can start thinking about fixing all of it not just going back to misery.
You need to paint a picture in your head of what that is going to look like and feel like, then help your wife change her mind about everything by sharing that with her, and getting her to believe it can happen.
Practical Steps to Take to Get Your Wife Back After Separation
All of this is about communication, but that’s not advice, not enough it’s only a starting point. The first thing to say on this is that if you are the type who doesn’t talk about the things your wife thinks are important, like yourself an or your relationship. Now is the time to start.
It is also likely that if you don’t talk about it you have listened when she wanted to talk about it. Now is the time to start.
Both of these are incredibly difficult if you haven’t done it in the past, and emotions are now running high and you are both separate from each other. On the other hand, it can be easier because you are apart and you have time to think and reflect and the time you set aside to talk is exactly about this.
The bottom line is here, it’s time to make time to talk and listen, and maybe to say out loud to your wife that you know that and you want to do it.
Baby Steps
First things first, you have to open up a channel of communication. This means you have to agree on how you are going to talk to each other. She has to be ok with this. So turning up uninvited isn’t always the way to go. Ask if you can call around before you appear at the door, or ask to meet outside where emotions are more likely to be held in check.
You can agree to call, phone, or text. However you start this, it will depend on what you normally do and how high emotions are running.
Once you have a pattern established, and you both feel on safer ground, you a meet for longer times talk more, etc, but take it slowly at first and do not expect her to be in the same place you are in your head or expectations.
Once you have this you can start by simply saying what your intentions are things like
I want us to talk
I want to hear how you are feeling
I want to listen to you, understand what it is you want
You can frame all these as questions:
Can we just talk? Take an hour?
Can we take a walk and you can just tell me how you are, how you are feeling?
Can we just meet and talk about what happened?
Are you ready to try and fix it? I want to do that.
Patience is the key here, women just use more words than men. Often when men think it has been said already a woman, wants to cover it again, it may be what you consider to be old ground, but if she hasn’t finished talking about it you need to listen. Men can feel punished by this, but it’s just what women like to do, to be clear and thorough to talk about feelings.
The point here is that this is not time to talk about when you get your keys back and move your gear back in, don’t expect it or rush it, or it just won’t happen.
Not Talking About It at All (Taking a Break)
Every time I’m asked how to win their wife back during my knee-jerk reaction is to say move quickly. However, at a certain point, it actually makes more sense to take a break from the issue for a short time.
You could suggest when the timing is right, that you just hang out doing something nice, and deliberately do not go back down the rabbit hole, no discussions of the past, not much of the future, just fun, the way it used to be.
This could be a day out, a date, a walk in the park, or you going round to do some DIY help, something that shows you care.
Part of this helping process is to help you both remember what it was like in the days before the breakup. to remember the fun and easy times. If you fall back into step with each other and you both find this is how it should be, how good is that? Rinse and repeat, see if you can do a few times, suggesting longer periods of time together doing it each time.
Remember what I said at the start of this, it is all about how to win your wife back. She is the prize and your goal here is to make her feel that way. Pay a little attention, compliment her, make her feel the way she used to before the relationship as damaged. This isn’t a sham it is a reminder to you that she actually is a prize, worth fighting for, worth working towards bringing her back into your life.
This is almost going back to the wooing stage you were at when you first met, this is how you make your wife miss you during separation, she sees the man you were and are and sees what she saw in you, to begin with, and has grown to know over time.
The Big Talk: How to Win Wife Back During Separation
Nobody ever enjoys having ‘a big talk’ but it can’t be skipped. At the end of the day, everything else is just a precursor to making sure you’re both on the same page.
When to Have It
At some point all this reacquainting with each other and letting the heat out of the emotions, listening to each other and working out what went wrong has to get to a point where you are talking about getting back together.
This is delicate, the balance here is both when to talk about it, and how to make sure you are not standing in emotional quicksand.
The first thing is timing, there’s no way for me to say if its weeks months or years, all three are possible and happen. you cannot rush it, you cannot demand it, you cannot force it.
The time is right when you are no longer walking on eggshells in every conversation when you both stop laying bear traps in conversations with each other when tempers have passed and you are finding each other again.
it is likely here that the body language between you is easier, you walk a little closer to each other, you are not saying excuse me like a stranger when you pass each other in a room, etc. You will know when the signals are warming up.
The key here is to check with your wife, is she feeling it might be time too.
Where to Talk About It
If you agree to talk about it, why not do t in a romantic setting, usually out for a really nice meal, but that might mean something different to you two. Back where you first met, or where you made great memories align the way.
it is probably best that you do this away from the marital home in any case, somewhere neutral, and with positive connotations.
What to Say
So you have the timing, the right setting, now you need the right words.
You can ask to put recent past behind you, talk about what you love about your wife, talk about what you have missed, talk about what you want, and most importantly how you think it will be different than before. you might have said all this already in different chats, but it good to reiterate it here.
Then shut up.
Now Listen.
If this has all gone well you can start talking about the logistics, but if not, back off and agree to leave it for now, if the timing is not right, you can leave the door open and try again. If you press it you may not get another chance.
It may be that all these things take a lot longer than you want, and that is not a bad thing, nothing changes overnight, there are no magic words that make everything better. Taking your time and working it through is right.
It may be you both need a bit of time alone, to think, to heal, to take the sting out of the anger. Good things are worth waiting for, and this prize shouldn’t be too easy to reach.
A useful thing you can do is to write down how you feel, keep some sort of journal, this is just for you, You can throw it away when you are done but it is a good place to put all your thoughts and feelings. If you are lucky you will have someone to talk to.
It is important if you are talking to friends that you do not repeat the conversation back to your wife, she does not want to feel she is being discussed.
Next Steps to Winning Her Back
