Learning how to tell if your husband still loves you is a strange mix of art and science. I’ll take you through some of the signs you can look for but (perhaps more importantly) some of the things you can do to make sure he does.
Displays and love are going to vary from person to person. It’s not the large Hollywood-style gestures of chasing you through the airport we’re looking for, more the smaller day-to-day things that show you’re at the forefront of his mind.
I often say life gets in the way of love. There’s a fair chance your husband does still love you even if you don’t see these signs. Sometimes it might just take a little bit of work to remind him of what the two of you share together.
Men Communicate Differently
I feel like I need to make sure I’m being very clear when I say this kind of thing. I’m not attacking men here, but they generally do think and communicate things differently to women. Not worse – just differently.
There’s a reason I had to cover husbands refusing to talk about problems. They have a tendency to just assume you know and that things don’t really need to be said out loud. If you really want to learn how to tell if your husband still loves you, we need to figure out how to listen to his way of communicating which brings me to an important point.
In the Context of Your Marriage
Please don’t skip this. It may seem obvious, but it’s important.
This is coming from someone who spends a lot of time giving marriage advice: you need to be careful about how you use marriage advice.
Every marriage is unique and everything should be taken in the context of your relationship. Relationships are complex and some of the signs he still loves you here can also be signs that he’s cheating on you and under a different context can mean very different things.
If you’d like to get into the details of your marriage then take a moment and take the marriage assessment quiz. Then we know where to focus to get your marriage back on track.
With this in mind, what should you be looking for?
How Can You Tell If Your Husband Really Loves You?
You know your husband better than anybody else. Sometimes hectic work schedules or kids can make it difficult for spouses to fathom that their partners are still in love with them. Let’s delve into the subtle signs to find out if your husband really loves you like day one.
Does He Pay Heed?
You got a new haircut or a new dress. Does your husband notice it the moment he comes home that day? Or do you sit across the dinner table waiting for him to finally catch sight of the nuances? Does he remember the birthdays and anniversaries? If he does even with a jam-packed schedule, he puts you on top of his priority list. That’s how much he loves you.
We all have devices to remind us of the special days. Hence, ‘I totally forgot’ is a lousy excuse. Sometimes he has so much on his plate that few things might slip under his radar. In that case, why don’t you openly communicate and try to ease his burden to make things better?
Does He Want Intimacy?
Intimacy doesn’t essentially mean sex. It can look like anything from a kiss when he comes home to a smile when he wakes up next to you in the morning, or a hug from behind when you are cooking. Intimacy is all about making your partner feel wanted.
If he loves you he won’t make you question your worth. He’d make sure you spend time together even after a hectic day at work. Does he initiate sex? Is he still passionate while making love to you? Does he snuggle just like before? Does he try to spice up your sex life occasionally? If there isn’t a medical condition associated, or he actually isn’t too busy at work, he’d show signs to manifest his love.
Does He Do the ‘Little Things’?
Relationships are built on love, trust, communication, and commitment. But to keep them going little things are as much important. Maybe he brought flowers on his way home or helped you make dinner. He lets you catch up on sleep while he watches the baby. Does he still look at you like your biggest fan? Does he throw compliments like confetti to brighten up your day?
We call crave the butterflies we got when we first got together. While they won’t show up as much as in the beginning, they’re not supposed to vanish into thin air either. Maybe he is really busy at work but he still calls for a minute just to check up on you and say the “L” word. After a week-long work trip, does he try to spend the weekend to make up for the lost time? Then he’s madly in love with you for sure.
Does He Keep You in the Loop?
When you first got together, you were all over each other. You shared every single detail of your lives. Over the years, you both got preoccupied with deadlines at work or children got in the way. Whatever the cause is he’d still share what’s happening at work.
If he’s getting a promotion or hates his new boss you’d know for sure. He needs you to be part of his life after all. He’d show interest in your life if he loves you. He’d ask you about your day and would actually listen when you talk. He’d look you in the eye and make sure you feel heard.
Does He Put the Electronics Away?
Of course, he has to be on his laptop and phone when his job requires it. But if loves you, he’d put an effort to make sure he gives you undivided attention whenever he can. Don’t assume that he doesn’t love you just because he didn’t put the phone away the minute you wanted him to.
If he makes time for the two of you even when he doesn’t have time to do anything fancy and can accommodate just sitting there holding hands, he still loves you. Spending quality time with one another is always on the top of his to-do list when your husband loves you.
Does He Try to Surprise You?
Does your husband try to surprise you? Maybe he can’t afford an expensive holiday right now and he doesn’t have to. Does he show up with flowers?
Does he do the dishes before you wake up to make your life easier? Does he make breakfast just to make you smile? It can be anything and everything. It’s the gesture that counts, not the amount of money spent on the surprise.
Is He in a Problem-solving Mode?
Men tend to be the ‘fixers’.
If you tell a woman a problem the (general) response is listening and empathizing. With men, their usual response is to try and come up with a solution and they’ll start suggesting things you could try to do and fix the problem. If this is his default state and he makes the effort to try and hear your problem and be there for you without necessarily trying to fix the issue it’s a sign he’s going the extra mile for you.
Does He Put You First?
Does he take your likes and dislikes into consideration? Does he let you pick the destination for your weekend getaway? Does he accompany you to a party even when it’s not really his thing? Does he notice immediately when something bothers you? Do you have a say in the daily decision-making in your marriage? Did you say ‘yes’ to all of these questions?
You’re one lucky wife I must say. He does all of the above because he values your opinion and loves you madly. Definitely, you should do the same for him. Because when we love someone we put their needs before our own.
Blend these answers with your intuition and your gut will give you the answer.
Can a Marriage Survive Without Affection?
The simple answer is yes but you didn’t get married just to be roommates. You’re together to share lives, not just bills, and responsibilities. When There’s no affection present in a marriage, you might end up feeling bitter, cold, and distant. Since none of them is ideal, let’s look into how the lack of affection in your marriage looks like.
Does your husband kiss or hug you only when he wants sex? Or is it only you who initiates sex while he doesn’t make any effort altogether? You never hold hands, cuddle, or kiss each other anymore?
When one spouse feels a lack of affection, in most cases the other spouse isn’t having a ball either. Marriage is a two-way street and both spouses need to reciprocate without keeping tabs. You sure need to do some detective work to find the underlying causes to feel content in the marriage. While marriages can survive without affection, it leaves both partners unhappy and insecure which might even lead to infidelity.
When you miss affection, you don’t just miss sex. You miss the emotional bonding, the pillow talks, the release of oxytocin, and what not! According to a 2017 study, frequent sexual activity and overall well-being are often interrelated.
The good news is you have already started doing your part. Even though your relationship requires efforts from both sides, it’s not entirely dependent on that all the time. You can start putting efforts into reigniting the sparks and your husband will follow.
How to Bring Affection Back?
Let’s start with the toughest one, shall we? Stop ‘nagging’. Sounds harsh? But, it’s a surefire way to stop making him feel like he is being coerced into giving you attention. So, should you just ignore him entirely to get back at him? On the contrary, be affectionate to your husband. Be the kind, understanding, and loving person he fell in love with, in the first place.
I’m not saying you need to become a punching bag in the marriage but sometimes one of you has to do the heavy lifting for a while for the sake of the both of you.
Listen to him when he talks about his life instead of just hearing him talk. You might want to try some questions to ask your spouse to save a marriage to get him talking about something real. Make eye contact and be supportive when he talks about a bad day at the office. Don’t point out his mistakes or say stuff like ‘I told you so’. Be his best friend and see how your emotional affection turns into the physical one.
Why don’t you seduce him and initiate sex? How about letting him know how sexy you find him? Take him out on a date and remind him how that’d make you feel if he did that. If kids have been keeping you two sleep-deprived and irritable, call your mom to watch the kids and go for a weekend getaway.
If that’s not possible at the moment, get a babysitter and go to the movies. Touch him. kiss him out of nowhere. Maybe he needed to be reminded of the good old days.
There’s no better aphrodisiac for a man than his partner’s respect. I know you feel like you respect him enough. But the day-to-day nitpicking that you consider to be constructive criticism has been bringing him down and pushing him away.
It’s easy to lose yourself and evolve into someone else while taking care of the kids and managing work at the same time. Maybe it’s time to take care of yourself. Be affectionate to yourself and show up as the fun and happy-go-lucky girl he fell in love with.
Do your best to bring the affection back into the marriage instead of looking for signs your husband is in love with another woman. Why’d you had to do all the work you ask? Being the nurturer in the relationship, you’re guiding him through the rough patch.
There might be a few bumps on the road of your lifetime journey together. But, as long as you two work hard, love, and respect each other, your marriage can survive pretty much anything and everything.