Learning how to tell if your wife is cheating on Facebook is partly through technology and partly through reading her body language around her Facebook. I’ll take you through both options as well as what you can do if she is cheating.
You can use services and technology to see who she’s messaging or send someone to talk to her through Facebook but the first steps should be to see how she reacts around her Facebook. Red alerts would be suddenly hiding her friend list and keeping her phone separate from you.
Let’s start with spotting the signs before we move on to the technology.
Note: We’re going to cover some broad examples but remember that every marriage is unique so you’ll need to keep things in the context of your relationship. If you’d like to look at your marriage (and how you can save it) take the marriage assessment quiz.
First Steps: How to Tell if Wife is Cheating on Facebook
If you suspect cheating I’m assuming you already have a reason to be suspicious but let’s make sure we cover all the bases here.
Is she spending all of her time on Facebook? Has she suddenly started to spend more time on messenger?
By themselves, these don’t necessarily mean she’s cheating. I can understand you want to know but let’s not jump to any conclusions here – there are other signs which are much more worrying.
Suddenly Hiding Her Friends List
Threat level: Minimal.
In itself, this isn’t an immediate sign that she’s cheating but if she’s cheating with someone friended on Facebook she might hide her friend’s list in an attempt to stop you from seeing them. Some people keep their friend’s list hidden generally and it’s not that uncommon. By itself, it’s not too much to worry about.
On the other hand – she might also leave her friends list public if it’s someone you wouldn’t be surprised by as Facebook friends.
Protective of Her Phone [Important]
Threat level: Moderate.
This can vary depending on how the two of you normally are with the privacy of your phone. If she’s uncomfortable with you being on her phone or social media it might be that she’s got something to hide or it might just be that the two of you are used to being private with each other’s phones.
I recently did a guide on husbands hiding their phones and you might want to try this. If you create an environment where it’s normal for the two of you to share your phones openly – you might find she has nothing to hide
I would absolutely do this before doing anything else.
If your wife is resistant to having you anywhere near her phone after you’ve tried to do this then there’s a problem. It might be she’s just a private person but at a certain point, she’s creating unnecessary friction at best.
We’re all very used to having our phone on us but if she’s anxious about it being in your hands at all or nervous about letting it out of her sight (especially around you) she might well be worried about what you could find on it.
Deleting Facebook Messages or Secret Messages
Threat level: High.
If she’s deleting messages or using Facebook’s secret messages – we have a problem. I’m not saying that it’s immediately a sign she’s cheating but this would raise the biggest flags with me.
There are very few legitimate reasons to use hidden messages or delete them afterward. A simple phone lock is enough to protect your messages if you lose your phone or something. If she’s texting late at night and her messages list is mysteriously empty the next morning it’s not overreacting to want to know she’s hiding.
What to Do If You’re Seeing these Signs
None of these by themselves (or in combination) immediately means your wife is cheating. Giving her the benefit of the doubt – she might be protecting her friend’s privacy or booking you a surprise birthday party.
Without knowing the details of your marriage, I don’t know how likely this is. If you’re seeing these signs and have a reason to take it further then there are things you can do to see what she’s doing on Facebook.
How Can I Catch My Wife Cheating on Facebook Messenger?
If just asking her who she’s talking to isn’t going to work (and this might be worth trying) then we might have to take things a bit further.
Note: At this stage, we’re going to start really pushing the boundaries of what is considered OK. It might even be deemed illegal depending on the laws of your country or state.
Spying on your wife’s phone should be a last resort (and only if it’s legal for you to do). I’ve got plenty of other marriage advice you can try to rebuild your relationship without ever taking it this far. I’m offering it with the massive disclaimer that I don’t know the condition of your marriage so you’ll have to make your own judgment call whether or not this is warranted.
Spying Apps: How to Find Out Who Someone is Talking to on Facebook Messenger
There is a bigger selection of apps and tools for catching cheating than you might think.
Note: Some of these are complete scams. Anything asking for just their name or email is going to show you ‘false positives’ at best before asking for payments. Don’t fall for these.
The only reliable way is to install something on her phone.
There are several options for this and I’ve reviewed a couple of apps to spy on your spouses phone already. It means you can see what she’s doing through Facebook (and her phone in general) without her knowing.
You will need to get access to her phone momentarily to install the app but if we’re reaching this stage then borrowing her phone for a few moments to install it is probably the least of your problems at the moment. Once you’ve installed the app you’ll be able to control it from your own browser.
If you do find out that your wife isn’t cheating on you through Facebook you should immediately uninstall the app which you’ll be able to do remotely without having to access her phone.
Catfishing Your Own Wife on Facebook
I’ve seen actual services for this but it really doesn’t warrant anything quite that far. If she’s in a ‘serious’ relationship with the other person it’s less likely to work but it might be worth exploring.
Have a friend you trust or an extra Facebook account start messaging her and see how she responds. If your partner is agreeing to meet this Facebook profile in a hotel room because he has a topless 6-pack profile photo on social media then Houston we have a problem.
If, on the other hand, she hands you her phone and says “Look at this guy! Do you think I can get him to sit in a hotel room by himself waiting?” you might get some comfort.
I know this seems obvious but sometimes the obvious needs pointed out.
If you’re worried about your wife cheating on Facebook then tell her. Open a dialogue with her and I don’t mean just yelling at her just try to open a conversation with her about it. It might well be that she’s just talking to someone about a hobby and she’ll be quite happy to show you her phone.
I can’t speak for your marriage without knowing the details but I can tell you that I’ve seen more than a few arguments over Facebook cheating or social media messages which could have been avoided with a simple question.
Make sure you’re not overlooking this opportunity.
Is Chatting on Facebook Cheating?
This is a whole other kettle of fish. Does speaking to someone else on Facebook mean you’re instantly cheating on your spouse?
How the two of you handle talking to strangers is going a vary a little from couple to couple. Personally, my husband knows pretty much everyone I talk to but I have more than a few single male friends on my Facebook who I do speak to.
That said, just because they’re not meeting up doesn’t mean they’re not having an emotional affair. Perhaps a different type of cheating but some would consider this worse – and it’s definitely cheating.
At the end of the day, whether they’re cheating or just talking to someone really depends on the context of the conversation.