Marriage is often much more difficult than people realize. When you have been married for a long time, it is possible that you get into a rut. Routine can replace the intimacy that is so necessary for a relationship to keep on flourishing. If you think that your husband has been taking you for granted in recent times, we will tell you how to make him realize he’s losing you.
There is a correct way to make your husband realize he is losing you. You must be careful that you do not end up further sabotaging your marriage when trying to save it. There are some things that you should definitely avoid, and some things that you should do.
Let’s start by taking a look at what you should never do when you want to let him know that he is losing you.
What You Should do
If you haven’t already, make sure you take the marriage assessment quiz so we can focus onĀ your marriage and we can figure out how to get things back on track quickly.
By now, you have a good idea of what to avoid. Let’s take a look at how you can actually deal with your husband taking you for granted.
Talk to Him Directly
This is a solution that works for almost all problems in a marriage. However, the way you should act is different for each of these situations.
Here, there is no reason for you to show him empathy. Chances are that he has been ignoring you for a while, despite you doing everything that a good wife should do.
Let this conversation be a wake-up call. Make him realize that he cannot treat you this way. Be firm in your expectations of him and let him know explicitly what you want him to do in the future.
Once again, while you should be firm, make sure that you do not become angry. Simply let him know that if he continues his ways, you cannot continue being with him. If he has been treating you wrongly for some time, then a threat of divorce is justifiable.
Chances are that he will realize that you are serious about this. If he cares for you enough, he will change his ways and return to the way he once was.
Stop Pampering Him
There is a chance that your husband has become increasingly dependent on you, and you have become more of a mother for him than a wife.
Feel free to let him know that you will not continue to coddle him needlessly. He has to be his own man and take care of himself.
For example, if you are the one who is constantly cooking the meals in the evening despite working full-time, let him know that this cannot continue. Either he should learn to cook himself and share the responsibilities, or find alternative means for sustaining the family.
Make Your Own Decisions
I notice that in many marriages, it is only one of the persons that are getting to make most of the important decisions.
Ideally, the decisions that are made in a marriage should be made through discussion and discourse. If your husband is someone who has been having his way throughout your marriage, that needs to change.
Stand up for yourself and let him know that you have an opinion. If he makes an important decision that affects you both without asking you, let him know your feelings. Also, if you feel that his decision was wrong, do everything in your power to reverse it.
Once he realizes that you are not a floor mat that he can walk over, he will learn to treat you with respect. He will realize that unless he treats you as his equal, you will leave him.
Be The Best Version of Yourself
Until now, we have mainly discussed how your behavior should be towards your husband. Let’s take a look at changes that you can make yourself to make him want you more.
I said that you should not coddle him. However, this does not mean that you should forgo your duties as a wife. Make sure that he realizes what he stands to lose if you leave him. This, coupled with all of the other things I have mentioned above, should make him change his attitude.
For example, being a great and supportive mother for your children will show him what his children stand to lose in the case of a divorce. Or, being a great host for his boss if he is coming over will make him think of how difficult it will be for him to host guests without you (to paint a good impression on people from his work life).
If you don’t work or you only work part-time, then housework is also a part of your duty. A great thing I recommend doing is to stop with the housework for a few days. When he mentions how the state of the house has degraded, let him know that this is what the house will look like if you weren’t here.
Hold Him Accountable For His Actions
If he does something wrong, call him out immediately. He needs to understand that you are his wife, and he has to care about your feelings and the way his actions affect them.
For example, if your husband has already frustrated you enough, don’t be afraid to let him know about every single mistake he makes. If you catch him looking at other women on Facebook, feel free to fight him about it. I said previously that you should not drum up needless arguments, but that does not apply if he has actually done something wrong.
Just make sure that there is actually a problem before you hold him accountable. And when you do talk to him, prepare what you want to say beforehand. This is because the purpose of this is to make him realize his mistake. If you end up nagging him and he feels that he did nothing wrong, then this will only distance him further from you.
Try Separation For a Few Weeks
This should only ever be used as a last resort. If nothing else works, then you should leave him for a while. If the two of you are meant to be and if his marriage is important to him, he will change. He will not only admit his mistakes, but he will also want you to come back to him.
Separation can either make your marriage work better than it ever did before, or it can make both of you realize that you are no longer right for each other. Whatever the case may be, you will at the very least have some closure at the end.
Take the Marriage Assessment Quiz
What to Avoid
I have seen wives go over the top when trying to give a ‘wake-up call’ to their husbands. Here are a few common mistakes that I have seen that will only further harm your marriage.
Flirting With Other Men/Having an Affair
This is a classic. When wives feel like their husband is losing interest in them, they try to even out the score. To show their husband that they are also losing interest in him, they start to openly flirt with other men.
Don’t get me wrong, this works sometimes. However, it fails to achieve its purpose in the vast majority of the cases I have seen. If your husband has lost interest in you, you need to show him why you are someone worth being married to.
If you act out and start flirting with other men, you may simply be giving your husband another excuse to not pay any attention to you. This may even be the sign that he needs to finally start thinking about divorcing you.
Worse yet, many women that notice that their flirting has no effect on their husband often act out even more. This sometimes ends up in them having an affair, completely destroying their marriage in the process.
Needlessly Fight With Him
If he is losing interest in you, he almost certainly has a valid reason. This is because he was in love with you when you initially got married. There must have been a huge change for him to change his behavior.
Of course, there is a chance that he has simply fallen for someone else. However, even that does not have to be the end of your relationship. If he loved you enough to marry you, you can make him realize that he should stay with you.
When you try to needlessly drum up arguments, it will only further distance him from you. Constant fighting often leads to people resigning themselves from their marriage and ignore their spouses.
If there is a valid argument to be had, by all means, go ahead. Just make sure that you do not start arguing about ‘How he is losing you and you will leave him if he does not change’. Instead, give him valid reasons to notice the impact you have on his life.
Be Materialistic When Trying to Get Him to Notice You
While not extremely common, I have seen this happen. In an effort to impress your husband, never try to make up for your emotional deficiencies through money.
This includes buying your husband expensive gifts and trying to use money in other ways to make him interested in you once again (e.g. taking him on a vacation).
If he is unable to support you emotionally and provide you the necessary intimacy, no amount of money will change that. Neither of you are teenagers anymore. The two of you have to work together on your issues and get to the underlying cause of your problems.
