Hollywood has made us think of cheating as the end of a marriage. The reality is quite different. Over half of the marriages that suffer through infidelity are able to overcome it. If your husband is cheating on you and you want to save your marriage, here is how to deal with a cheating husband without losing him.
If your husband is cheating on you, you must first make sure that it doesn’t affect your life in a, particularly negative way. Once you are past that, then you can focus on making your husband leave the other woman and coming back to you. We discuss both scenarios here, one in which you haven’t confronted your husband and one in which you have.
Let’s begin by looking at how to deal with your husband’s affair.
Infidelity is often a symptom of a deeper problem, take a moment to take our marriage assessment quiz and we can help you get to the root issue.
What to do When I Discover my Husband’s Affair?
Infidelity is not something that you can get over in a pinch. It will take a lot of time before you are able to forgive your cheating husband. That is if you are able to forgive him in the first place.
What you must do is take care of yourself. Try to not let your life get out of hand. Dealing with your emotions and getting over the hurt so that you can think clearly should be your first priority. Here are a few things you should do:
- Try to avoid contact with your husband for a while. Consider moving to a friend’s or your parents’ house for a few days.
- Avoid talking to your husband. You need some time alone to come to terms with his betrayal and clear your head.
- Reach out to friends that you trust. It is important that you have company and help during this difficult time.
- Let your emotions out. It is completely okay to cry so that you can come to terms with the new reality of your life. Consider seeking a therapist if you are unable to deal with your emotions on your own.
- Keep yourself in good shape. Missing work, eating excessively, and not exercising are common traits among wives in this situation. Make sure this doesn’t happen to you.
Will I Ever be Able to Trust my Husband Again?
This is probably the most common question that wives ask me. They wonder that after they have been cheated on, will they ever feel safe in the fact that their husband won’t betray them again. You have probably been thinking the same thing.
In most cases, a couple is able to overcome the trust issues that they have after an affair. If your husband truly does want you to forgive him, he will make conscious decisions that will better your marriage.
Unless they get a divorce, couples usually come out stronger after they have dealt with the affair and gone through the process of rebuilding their marriage. Of course, it is necessary for both the husband and the wife to be on the same page if the marriage is to work. Let’s dive into what you can do to make your husband leave the other woman and return to you.
What to do if You Haven’t Confronted Him Yet
First, let’s see what you should do if your husband doesn’t know that you are aware that he is sleeping with someone else.
Remember that it is possible for your husband to cheat on you and still love you. People cheat for numerous reasons. It could be that he found companionship in another woman because the two of you were too busy to pay attention to each other. It could also be that he simply couldn’t resist the temptations of the flesh and gave in to a woman who was coming onto him.
Whatever the case may be, you should first try a soft approach to make him come back to you.
Even though he cheated on you, it is impossible to let go of the feelings that someone has for their spouse. They might be buried underneath his hardened exterior, but you can tap into those feelings to make him leave the other woman.
Tell Him That You Love Him
Don’t get me wrong, it is 100% his fault that he cheated on you. However, you have to share some of the blame for the factors that led him to that decision.
Chances are that somewhere along the line, the two of you stopped behaving like a husband and wife and instead started behaving like two people that live together instead.
Even something as simple as reminding him that you love him and that you care for him could be all that he needs to stop cheating on you.
Show Him That You Love Him
You said it, now you should show it. If the two of you have grown apart over the last few months or years, it’s time to change that.
Not only should you be there for him emotionally, but you should also try to spend more time with him. If you want to save your marriage, then it’s time to put your husband above your other priorities.
The goal here is for him to realize how you are still the same person that he fell in love with. He can still talk to you and enjoy his time with you.
If he sees you make an extra effort to reconcile your differences, he may also be convinced that it is in his best interests to stop cheating on you.
Turn up the Heat in the Bedroom
Let’s face it, it is entirely possible that the main reason your husband is cheating on you is because of the physical pleasure it gives him. Well, why not provide him with that pleasure at home?
The added bonus is that sex is a two-way street. Not only can it be incredibly fun for both of you, but it can also strengthen your marriage.
Just after sex is perhaps the best time to be emotional with each other. Lying in his arms, you can discuss your future, and how you feel about each other. This might just be the best way to make him feel less inclined to cheat on you.
It goes without saying that you should take steps to make sex better. From putting in more effort into the way you dress to trying out new things, you should give him as many reasons to stay with you as possible.
What to do After You Confront Him
Following the previous advice is always a good idea. After all, you cannot force him to stay with you. You can only make him aware of what he stands to lose if you leave.
The situation changes once both of you know about his infidelity. The way you act now will directly determine whether your husband leaves the other woman or not. A wrong move could even abruptly end your marriage. Here is what you should do:
Make it Clear That it is Either You or Her
Your husband must explicitly understand that he needs to make a choice. Either he can stay with his mistress and leave you, or he can keep his marriage intact and end things with his mistress.
Considering that he stands to lose a lot more if he leaves you, chances are that he will leave his mistress.
Just make sure that he hasn’t fallen in love with the other woman. If he has, then it is much more likely for him to leave you to be with her. If you think that he does love someone else, you first need to make him fall in love with you again and then convince him to leave her.
Let Him Know That You Are Ready to Rebuild
Make it clear to him that you are willing to get over the fact that he cheated on you. You cannot forgive him just yet, but he can still save the marriage if he makes the right decisions.
The purpose here is to help him deal with the guilt he will have when he comes back to you. Seeing his wife still being there to support him will convince him that you are the right woman for him.
If he does come back, stay true to your word. You said you will not hold the fact that he cheated against him, and you shouldn’t. As long as he is apologetic and willing to make up for his mistakes, you should let bygones be bygones.
Deal With the Problem at its Source
If your husband simply isn’t willing to budge, you could try confronting his mistress.
My guide on confronting the other woman revolves around two steps. The first one is to try to convince her to leave him because that is the right thing to do. He is married and he should only be with his wife. There is always the off-chance that she doesn’t even know he was married and is hurt by the fact that he wasn’t honest with her.
If his mistress isn’t accommodating your request, then you should look for other ways to make her end things with your husband. Threatening her by exposing the relationship to her husband or family, for example, might bring her to her senses. For this reason, you should try to find out as much about her and her relationship with your husband as possible before you meet her.
Convince Your Husband to Seek Therapy
If nothing else works, try to get your husband to visit a couples counselor. A licensed professional is much more adept at understanding the underlying issues in a marriage and suggesting what you need to do to remedy the situation.
A counselor can not only help your husband leave the other woman but also help you deal with his betrayal in a healthy manner. Regular visits to a counselor afterward would also help keep your marriage on track during the rebuilding process.