On one end, sarcasm can be a great way to make a funny remark and let off some steam. On the other, it can be used to manipulate and humiliate the other party. A casual sarcastic joke never hurt anyone, but it can be problematic when your partner is simply unable to let up his sarcasm. Here, we will tell you how to deal with a sarcastic husband.
First, you need to determine whether your husband’s sarcastic comments are a problem. If they are, there are techniques to make him stop. Along with those techniques, you should also be wondering why he is always tempted to make hurtful comments using sarcasm. It could signify a deeper problem in your marriage. Better communication could help deal with this.
Let’s take a look at when your husband’s sarcasm is a problem. After that, we will dive into how you can improve your communication.
My Spouse is Overly Sarcastic – Is This Bad for My Marriage?
Your spouse’s sarcasm is only bad when it is intended to hurt your feelings and can be worse when he doesn’t seem to give a damn. If it is only intended for humor, then it won’t have a significant effect on your marriage. Paying careful attention to your husband’s tone of voice will help you decide what his attention was.
The one problem that I constantly notice in marriages is that the husband intends his sarcasm as humor, but it ends up hurting the wife’s feelings. If this is the case, then you must let him know immediately. If he truly didn’t mean to be hurtful, then he will stop.
Here are a few instances where your husband’s sarcasm is a problem:
- When your husband is using sarcasm to disguise insults at you.
- When he sarcastically makes fun of you in front of your friends and pretends it was a joke.
- When he simply replies to everything you say with a sarcastic comment.
- When he is always sarcastic, to the extent that you are unable to tell when he is serious and when he is joking.
- When he uses sarcasm as a way to manipulate you and gain control over you.
If your husband’s sarcasm is starting to become a problem (or has been a problem for some time), you should first learn to deal with it head-on. After that, you can focus on letting him know about your feelings towards his sarcasm and helping him change the way he speaks to you.
Sarcasm in a marriage is likely a symptom of something else and not the actual problem itself. Take a moment to complete our marriage assessment quiz and we’ll start narrowing down the actual root of the problem.
How to Combat Your Husband’s Sarcasm
When your husband makes a sarcastic comment, be ready with an answer.
The point of the following techniques is to make sure your husband understands that you will not let him get away with his behavior. There is no reason to humor your husband when his worst is designed to hurt you. Once he realizes that his sarcasm simply leads to more problems for him, he will try to curtail it.
Ask Him to Explain His Remark
When your husband makes a sarcastic remark, simply ask him to explain what he meant. This may throw him off his track and he may not be able to fully explain his intentions.
Do this as much as possible. Whenever you notice even a tinge of sarcasm when he talks, try to put him through the embarrassment of having to explain himself.
This technique is especially useful when you are among a group of friends. Having to endure the embarrassment in front of other people would teach him a lesson for sure.
Ignore the Sarcastic Comment
There is a chance that your husband uses sarcasm precisely to get a rise out of you. If you show him that his sarcasm doesn’t bother you, he may be inclined to stop.
Whenever he says something of a sarcastic nature. Simply move on. Act as if he said nothing. Unless you are talking about something important (or having a fight), changing the subject is also a great trick.
Once again, ignoring your husband’s sarcastic comments in front of his friends will be even better. No one wants to see their wife ignore them in front of other people, and this will only add to the humiliation. Hopefully, it also helps him improve his communication.
If you have already talked to your husband about how his sarcasm makes you feel and he still doesn’t care, then simply walk away. Whether the two of you are having a normal after-work chat or talking about a serious issue, end the conversation as soon as he delves into sarcasm.
This will let him know that unless he wants a wife with whom he has no communication, he must be careful with his words.
Laugh at His Remarks
Instead of practicing verbal communication, use laughter instead. If your husband’s sarcasm was nothing more than an attempt at humor, this will make him appreciate you more.
More importantly, if his sarcasm is intended to hurt you, then your laughter will only make him mad. He will see that his tone does not affect you, and it may cause him to change his method of communication for the better.
No matter how obvious the true meaning of his remark is, correct your husband. Pretend as if you are a simpleton who is simply incapable of understanding any form of hyperbole or sarcasm.
He will eventually realize that you are doing this on purpose, and this will only end up annoying him even more. Hopefully, he will stop using sarcasm. Sadly, chances are that he will think of other ways to push you up the wall!
How to Prevent Your Husband’s Sarcasm From Harming Your Marriage
Until now, we have discussed methods for directly dealing with your husband’s sarcasm. These are fairly confrontational means and designed to force your husband to change his manner of speaking.
However, if your husband is overly sarcastic, it means that there is a deeper reason for it. It could be that he subconsciously resents you, and his manner of communication is an outlet for it.
Here are a few things that you should be talking to your husband about if his sarcasm is bothering you:
Talk to Him About His Sarcasm Directly
This is the first thing that you should try. Let him know that his sarcasm is hurtful. There is a small chance that he is only trying to be funny, and your words make him realize the ramifications of his actions.
If this is the case, then he will almost certainly stop (or try to stop). If he is willing to change, then you must help him. Point out whenever he delves into sarcasm and try to work with him to slowly improve his communication with you.
If he truly did intend to hurt you with his sarcastic comments, then this is when you should discuss why that is the case. Try to determine if there is something that you have done that he disliked. Have a general discussion about your marriage and discuss how the two of you can communicate better with each other.
Be Firm in Your Demands
It is best to openly demand that he stop being sarcastic towards you, especially in front of other people. If your husband is simply unable to change, then stopping your duties as a wife may be what’s required to fix him.
Of course, withholding sex is a classic. However, if things become extremely bad, stopping all communication is also acceptable. The purpose of a married couple is to help each other and make the lives of their spouse easier. If your spouse is unable to understand this, then tough! Let it be obvious that unless he is willing to change, you will leave him.
Avoid Becoming Your Husband
You may be tempted to fight fire with fire and use sarcasm yourself. I have seen wives themselves becoming increasingly sarcastic when they notice that their spouse isn’t willing to change.
However, this just adds to the problem. When you use sarcasm yourself, the two of you will simply be unable to genuinely communicate with each other. Because of this, your conversations will almost certainly end up in a fight.
Focus on Other Issues
If your husband wasn’t as sarcastic before but has become so in recent times, there is a reason for it. There may be other problems in your marriage that cause your husband to act the way he does. For example, is there something that the two of you have been arguing over for months but cannot seem to agree on?
Targeting problems like these and bringing your marriage back to a happy and satisfactory state maybe all you need to do to here. Once your husband has no reason to be angry at you, he may not want to humiliate you in the first place.
Tell Him How His Sarcasm Affects the People Around Him
It is possible that you are not the only one that your husband is sarcastic towards. If this is the way he behaves with his friends, family, and children, then there must be other people who are sick of it.
Telling him how he makes everyone around him feel about his behavior may help him realize his mistake. If you can convince his friends or someone in his family to join you, this will add to the effect that your conversation will have. Just make sure that you only get the people that he trusts to join you. Having too many people may make him feel like he is being forcefully singled out.
Try to come from a place of empathy and love. Try to avoid making your conversation with him look like an intervention. Instead, simply try to be a loving wife who wants the best for herself, her husband, and her family. You can also suggest practicing some communication exercises to improve the way you talk to each other.