Does my wife miss me during separation? Yes. But it’s not going to be that simple I’m afraid.
More marriages come back stronger after separation than you’d probably expect and your wife’s feelings do not instantly vanish. At least one part of her absolutely misses you during separation but that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s going to come back to you if you just sit around waiting.
No matter how painful your separation was or what either of you did, the bond of marriage doesn’t just go away overnight. She still misses you but it’s what you do with that information that is going to matter.
So what are the signs she misses you and what can you do about them?
Signs She Misses You During Separation
If you haven’t already read it, I’ve covered signs your separated wife wants to reconcile (and advice on making that happen) but she might not be at that stage yet. There are signs that she’s still hurting and isn’t sure what she wants to do but she does miss you.
Telling the difference between the two can help you figure out what you need to do next.
Note: These are general signs and advice. Please remember that everything should be put within the context of your marriage. If you take the marriage assessment quiz we can get more into the specifics on how to get the two of you back together.
She’s the One Initiating
This should be fairly obvious. Even if she’s reaching out to yell at you and call you an idiot if she’s the one starting contact then you don’t need to ask if your wife misses you. Complete radio silence is worse than yelling and screaming.
Initiating can take various forms. She might call or come and see you directly, send messages through family or mutual friends or even small things like liking your social media posts. Anything to get your attention in a small way.
She might find various reasons to reach out (and we’ll look at how you should handle this a little further on) but it’s a good sign she misses you.
Talking or Texting Like Friends or in a Relationship
It’s one thing for ex’s who have been apart for a long time to talk like friends.
If you’re separated and she’s still talking like your friends (or still in a relationship) then… well I don’t really know what else to tell you. She misses you. You can’t switch that quickly to ‘just friends’.
Equally, if she’s asking to catch up or hang out as ‘just friends’ it’s because she’s missing you.
If she’s talking about the past and the good times together then that’s where her mind is.
Jealousy (on Either Side)
This is one of the more common signs in my experience. If she acts jealous about you potentially moving on or seems to be actively trying to make you jealous then she’s trying to get your attention. She misses you.
Please do not take this to mean you should ‘test her’ by actively trying to make her jealous. That’s never going to work out the way you want it to but it’s a sign you can watch out for.
The question isn’t really does my wife miss me during separation. Almost universally that’s a yes. The question is what now? Let’s go over a few pointers on how to improve things.
Should I Ignore My Wife During Separation?
Opinions do vary over this and how and when you contact her will be dictated by where you both are at the moment.
In general – I’d say you should never completely ignore her but during periods where you’ve maybe both lost your cool and risk setting yourselves back then a ‘cooling off’ period might be called for.
If you broke her heart by being unfaithful, acting aloof will make her question your loyalty and dedication to the marriage even more. She might descend into the rabbit hole of assuming that you are busy with your mistress and don’t want your wife back. After an affair trust between partners tend to be rocked and it’s only natural for her to take your silence the wrong way.
It’s hard to find the balance between badgering her and leaving her alone. But, do you really want her to feel that you don’t care about her at all? Do you want her to get the idea that you’re better off alone? Isn’t that the polar opposite of how you feel?
You might have been told that avoiding her will make her come running back to you. What if you drive her away by ignoring her? What if she’s getting used to you being distant and looking for other options? You want to get your wife back, not to shove her out of the marriage.
You need to keep providing the assurance she needs and ignoring her is not the way to do it. Sure it’s a different situation if she is the one who cheated on you. In that case, you need to make sure she ended the affair and wants to get back together before you decide to give this a try. Under that specific circumstance, you might need some space and time yourself before you two start working on restoring the relationship.
Talk to her in a calm and assertive manner before taking the time-out. Let her know that you still want to salvage the marriage if she does. Express how broken you felt after finding out about her infidelity. While you’re taking the space you need, tell her that she can still reach you if necessary. That way she’d know that you’re processing the grief, not giving her cold shoulder.
You should keep her updated about your whereabouts and be available when she wants to talk. Then again, you shouldn’t be her beck and call guy either. You need to take care of yourself to show her that you’re man enough to handle anything that comes your way.
Make sure you set clear boundaries to make this separation successful. See a marriage counselor if needed. Be certain of how long of separation it’s going to be. During that time, don’t let her go AWOL, but don’t talk to her every day either. Fix a time or day of the week when you two will willingly interact instead of ignoring each other.
Should You Talk to Your Spouse During Separation?
I have said earlier that you shouldn’t ignore her rather should have effective communication going on. So, the answer to your question is, of course, you should talk to your spouse during separation. I’m not telling you to act like a spammer to make her block you.
There’s a reason you two decided to be separated. Give her the space she needs. Be perseverant but don’t act desperate. Let me give you a guideline to talk to her in a way that won’t aggravate the situation.
Have you scheduled a weekly meet-up or coffee date? Make sure you show up on time for that. Don’t keep her waiting. Show her that you’re putting into the effort to revive your ailing marriage. If it’s a daily phone call that you have agreed upon, don’t miss it even if your work schedule makes it hard to remember.
Say the ‘L’ Word
Sounds cheesy? Works like a charm though. Say it because you do love her. If she doesn’t reciprocate, don’t expect her to. You need to reaffirm to her that even though some of your actions made her question your love, it’s still there.
Don’t Play the Blame Game
When you two start to talk, you might feel like discussing the things that tore you apart. While communication is the key to a successful marriage, you should make sure that it doesn’t turn into a blamestorming session. Be an active listener and accept responsibility for your actions while she does the same. You both need to be respectful toward each other.
Watch Your Tone
“It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it’. Sounds familiar? The way you talk to her will immensely affect your interaction at this point. Research shows poor communication is one of the most common reasons for the breakdown of marriages in Britain. If you face a hard time keeping your communication fluid, your therapist can liaise between you two so that your wife doesn’t feel offended while you get to feel heard.
Zip Your Lip
The moment you feel like things are going south, zip your lip before saying anything that might ruin the progress that you have made. Take a breather. Gather your thoughts and talk to her calmly. Saying the wrong thing will only push her further away.
Speeding Up the Recovery Process
How Do I Reconnect With My Wife During Separation?
I’ve covered a full guide on how to win your wife back during separation which will get into this in more detail but let’s run through a few basic ideas:
Remember that you’re the one who knows her the best. Combine that understanding with these directions to reconnect with the love of your life.
Take It Slow
I know it’s hard to imagine your life without her. You keep asking yourself ‘Does my wife love me?’, ‘Will she ever come back?’ and what not! While you can’t stop these thoughts, you can control how they influence your actions.
Remember that your mission is not to make your wife miss you during separation. Your mission, should you choose to accept it is to show her that you’re prepared to be the responsible and loving man she needs you to be. That will take time. While you shouldn’t sit idly, you shouldn’t act in the spur of the moment either.
Let Her Feel Your Presence
Did she want to implement a no-contact rule? If not, sending a quick text every once in a while can’t hurt. Maybe let her know how the kids are doing. Don’t try to make her text you back. It’s her call. Do it to simply let her know that you’re thinking of her.
Put aside your differences for the time being. Don’t force her to discuss your marital issues yet. When you’re trying to reconnect bringing the baggage with you isn’t a good idea. You can work on it together when she decides to come back.
Remind Her of the Vows
You two took a vow to be together until death parts you. You sure have your reasons to get separated. But, do they hold so much power to take away everything you built together? Assure her that you’re prepared to renew the vows and promise to fulfill them this time.
Ask Her Out on a Date
After several meet-ups, do you feel like she’s warming up to you? If yes, ask her out just like you did when you first met. Take her to the restaurant you went to on your first date. Give her flowers. Remind her that nothing is lost and you want to rekindle the flame with all your heart. She might turn you down but you gotta try!
Talk About Future Plans
Feels like a lapse in judgment? You’re barely making it in the present, why’d you rock the boat? Well, you shouldn’t and that’s not what I am suggesting. There’s no harm in casually talking about the future you see with her though. No pressure. No deadline. Just airing it out to remind her how much you have built together and want to take it further with her.
Go to Counseling Together
Separations can be one of the most stressful experiences you’ve ever experienced. You are hopeful but not sure if you’d make it back together. Your kids are starting to get restless. Managing finances is getting harder. The life you have built together came crumbling down when you decided to be separated. While you’re trying to pick up the pieces, don’t hesitate to ask for help.
A skilled relationship expert can put both of your minds at ease. They are trained to counsel you through this trying time. Research shows how marriage counseling can impact your communication skills and general well-being to boost your happiness and personal growth. It can result in high relationship satisfaction and help reignite the spark in your relationship.
Even the best couples can hit a snag. While you can’t just flip a switch and get your wife back right away, hopefully, you can change her mind with the help of your never-ending love and consistent effort.