Seeing your husband with someone else is one of the most painful things in a marriage. Regardless of whether he is cheating on you physically or having an emotional affair, another woman in your marriage is never a good thing. I have seen married couples survive an affair and form an even stronger bond. The first question that you need to ask is ‘Does he really love the other woman?’. Because if he does, then the nature of your marriage has completely changed.
Just because your husband is attracted to another woman, does not necessarily mean that he loves her. There are signs that will tell you about the nature of his relationship, many of which we discuss here. Remember that even if he loves the other woman, he may still love you. In fact, chances are that your husband is in love with another woman precisely for the same reasons he fell in love with you.
Let’s take a look at whether your husband being with someone else means that he loves her. Then, we will discuss some common signs that will betray his feelings.
If there’s another woman in the picture then the quicker you act, the better the chance you have of getting your marriage back to where it was. Take the marriage assessment quiz so we can find and fix the root of the issue.
Is it Always Love?
In most cases, men do not get married until they are sure that they want to spend their life with the woman they are in a relationship with. Sadly, marriage is a lot more complicated than people initially think, and cheating is far more common than you may be inclined to believe.
That said, even if your husband is in a relationship with someone else, it may not always be love. Let’s take a look at a few reasons why your husband may have an affair, but not feel anything for the other woman.
He is Unable to Control His Urges
Just because you are married, does not mean that you cannot be attracted to someone else. However, it is important that you control your urges. After all, marriage vows almost always emphasize loyalty above all else. I see women repeatedly caught off guard when their marriage is perfect but their husband ends up having an affair.
This is actually quite common. Even if your sex life is great, your husband may still give in to his desires. This is especially true if he is an older man who is also attractive enough to be with a younger woman, as he may want to feel young again by having sex with someone far younger than him.
I would never suggest that cheating should be accepted. However, it is possible to forgive your husband for having an affair. It will take time before you come to terms with his relationship, but you may find that you trust your husband more than you ever did in the end.
Of course, it is possible for your husband to be a serial cheater. In that case, you have no choice in the matter. You can either live unhappily (or look for alternatives such as an open marriage), or you can opt for a divorce.
He is Just Looking For an Emotional Connection
If your marriage has been devoid of the emotional aspect of it, then it is possible that your husband is looking for emotional support in his affair. He may not consider the sexual part of his relationship important, but he needs someone he can talk to.
In this case, you will be able to notice the signs in your own marriage. For example, if the two of you do not sleep in the same bed, it is possible that your marriage is devoid of the support that is so important for a successful marriage.
The thing about emotional affairs is that they usually tend to escalate into love. If this is the case and you want to save your marriage, then you must act immediately. The easiest way to get your husband back is to be the rock that he can fall back on. Make sure you show him that he can confide in you and be vulnerable with you. Try to encourage him to discuss his innermost thoughts with you.
You should also share your own thoughts with him. An emotional connection goes both ways. Make him understand that he does not need the other woman in his life. As long as he has you, he will always have a friend that he can rely on.
Signs your Husband Loves Another Woman
Let’s take a look at common behaviors that a married man may exhibit when in love with someone else. We will not discuss how you can confirm if your husband is having an affair, as we have done that previously. Instead, we will assume that you know about your husband’s affair and want to know whether this is just a fling or something much deeper.
He Would Rather be Somewhere Else Than With You
Chances are that you have known your husband for at least a few years. If you notice that he is never as attentive as he used to be and is constantly lost in thought when talking to you, then he could be in love with someone else.
Pay special attention to whether he constantly checks his phone when the two of you are together. If he is in a relationship with another woman (that he loves), then he will probably want to prioritize talking to her over you at all times.
It is not difficult for a woman to notice if her husband is zoned out. Regardless of whether you are sitting at home or out somewhere, his behavior should be able to tell you if he is thinking about someone else rather than you.
He Will Constantly Overreact
It is definitely possible for your husband to love another woman and you at the same time. However, most men in extramarital relationships begin to prefer their ‘friend’ over their wives. If this is the case for your husband, then he will show it in his actions. Here are some of the ways he may do that:
- Your husband will get angry over little things.
- He will constantly point out your flaws (sometimes it will seem like he is making a direct comparison between you and another woman).
- Whenever you ask him about his day, he will get overly defensive about where he was.
- He will try to explain his actions a lot more, even when you aren’t suspicious of him.
He Will Stop Thinking of You as His Wife
This is a classic sign that is easy to spot. When your husband is in love with someone else, his marriage will seem like a transactional relationship to him. As such, his conversations with you will tend to be less about love, your future, and his innermost thoughts.
Instead, your conversations will range from talking about the food and the laundry to who is taking the kids to soccer practice. Simply put, the two of you will stop talking about the way you feel. You will only talk about the things that you have to do.
His Friends Will Change Their Behavior Towards You
If your husband is in love with someone else, his close friends almost certainly know about it. As such, they may be inclined to treat you as the other woman rather than his wife.
While this is not always the case, your husband’s friends will probably become more formal towards you. They may try to avoid you as well, thinking that you may ask questions about your husband that they cannot answer.
If you are friends with their wives, you may begin to notice that the women in your friend circle are still eager to meet you, but the men keep their distance.
His Appearance Will Change
Almost everyone stops putting as much into their appearance as they used to after a few years of marriage. However, you may notice that your husband starts dressing up differently, especially if he is going out but he ‘cannot say where’.
He may do things like refreshing his wardrobe and getting a new haircut. At this time, your opinion about what looks good on him will start to matter less. He will be dressing up for his lover as opposed to his wife, and he will prefer to wear what she says looks good on him.
He Will Stop Displaying Affection (Especially in Public)
Husbands that are cheating on their wives try to act normal around them. Holding hands in public, going out regularly, and other romantic activities that are a part of marriage continue the way they are.
However, if your husband is in love with someone, he will feel like cheating on her when doing these things with you. If he stops showing you any kind of affection, then he may really be in love with the other woman.
Compare his behavior now with how it was in the past. Does he still kiss you when you see each other after a long day at work in the evenings? Is he willing to put his arm around you when you are watching a movie together? Does he do all of the things that your couple friends to do each other affectionately in public?
If he is unable to even pretend that he has some affection for you, then it is likely that there is another woman that he loves.