Who Is Supposed To Go To Bed First Between Husband And Wife?

I am not sure there is such an order. Typically a husband & wife would try to go to bed together , But I do believe ( or in my household rather) The woman ( myself) have a number of things to do before They / I can go to bed. Don’t get me wrong , I will go to bed with my husband a few nights out of the week. However i suffer from OCD & Insomnia , so even if we retire to bed at the same time 9 out of 10 times I am back up. I have a certain way things have to be done at the end of my day. So I again do not think its really about the order of who goes to bed first.

This answer originally appeared on this Quora question on Marriage Advice.

11 Things Happy Couples Do Before They Go To Sleep

Video text:

eleven things happy couples do before they go to sleep what is vital for a happy relationship of a couple first and foremost it is important to spend some time with your partner before you go to sleep it doesn’t matter how much time you have to be together an hour or just a few minutes if it is just the two of you enjoying each other’s company talking and showing your love that is all you need so how to strengthen the connection between your partner and you how to make sure that your relationship stays as warm as it was at the very dawn of your partnership here are 11 but very effective recommendations from well known psychologists they speak about how to behave or which actions to avoid toward your partner before calling it a night 11 switch your phones to silent mode and put them away social media dependency suppresses the release of oxytocin or as it is also called the love hormone in your body to bed as this hormone is exactly what’s responsible for emotional intimacy and bonding also it ensures the trust partners have in each other psychotherapist Carol Carey advises to follow a simple rule turn off your phones or put them away at 9 p. m. on the dot forget about work try to forget about work and stop checking your work email when you’re in bed it’s so much better to spend that time together and have some rest so that you can be productive at work the following days pillow top connects couples emotionally helps you to get distracted from problems and makes you feel relaxed avoid talking about work financial troubles or anything else that can make your partner feel worried 9 go to bed at the same time as your partner many people in a relationship don’t see each other all day long and have a habit of going to bed at different times as many as 75 percent of couples do this on a regular basis typically because one of the partners works watches TV or serves the net seems like not a big deal but according to psychologist Curt Smith happy couples brush their teeth together and go to bed at the same time it helps them to maintain the warmth and intimacy of their relationship 8 follow a routine following the same bedtime routine every day helps you to sleep better while following a familiar routine your brain receives a signal of the approaching bedtime and prepares your body for sleep if you follow this same routine together with your partner it will make your relationship more intimate and trustworthy 7 have a heart to heart talk pay attention to each other’s feelings you don’t need to give advice or find immediate solutions to the problems sometimes we simply want to talk and feel the care and support of our loved ones psychologist Ryan house suggests dedicating a few minutes before going to sleep to express warm feelings towards your partner this will help to end the day on a positive note and to make you feel better it also has a positive influence on your overall mood it has been scientifically proven that when you sincerely express your gratitude to the person you love it provokes an immediate spike of your feelings of happiness try to forget about everything that happened that day and leave all of your problems and concerns outside the bedroom door tell your partner how much you love them it is important to be serious and sincere when you express your feelings 6 don’t argue or get into heated conversations this advice is given by people who have been married for 40 to 50 years and more their experience tell them that no disagreement is worth more than a day’s fight Kurt Smith reminds us to try to not involve ourselves in heated arguments before going to sleep fighting in bed never helps to solve a problem on top of that it’s harder for both of you to fall asleep and you will feel depressed the next day five keep your bedroom child’s free another psychologist Michael Viner Davis is sure that the only time you can let your children sleep in your bed is when they have a nightmare at all other times your bedroom should be your private space you need to have that space for the two of you to maintain your intimacy what is more it has been proven that sleeping with children deteriorates the quality of your rest and human stance sleep deprivation much worse than food deprivation for don’t share the bed with your pets as reported in their research of the University of Kansas 63 percent of people who sleep with their pets don’t get enough sleep your pet can’t be asleep through the whole night and often disturbs your rest for example two thirds of their lives cats spend sleeping no wonder they don’t feel such an urgent need to do it at night as you do on top of that having a pet in your bed violates the rule of two in your bedroom 3 don’t drink alcohol or smoke many couples like to have a glass of wine before going to bed to create a romantic atmosphere however while your body is digesting alcohol the restorative period of your sleep becomes shorter 27 studies on the topic have shown that alcohol makes the period we need to fall asleep shorter in the duration of deep sleep longer wonderful you might say well not really the second half of the night of a person who has drunk some alcohol before going to bed is full of a restless disturbed sleep that makes you feel tired distracted and easily annoyed when you wake up in the morning alcohol also makes snoring more likely and as for nicotine and cigarettes it’s a known fact that it promotes insomnia what is more smokers tend to wake up more often during the night it is bound to affect your partner and the rest of all sleep to give each other a massage specialists from the National foundation of sleep confirms that a light relaxing massage before going to bed is highly beneficial it improves the quality of your sleep reduces anxiety and brings couples closer together in fact research has been conducted by the scientists at Northumbria University 19 couples took a three week course of massage after completing it 91% of participants were eager to recommend this type of mutual treatment to relatives and friends 74% were going to turn such massage sessions into their daily routine the most interesting though is the fact that emotional state as well as physical well being improved relating both for the partner who received the massage and the one who gave it one don’t forget about hugs and kisses remember to kiss your partner before going to sleep as well as to cuddle for a few minutes when you are already in bed kissing always evokes positive emotions psychologists are confident that if you hug when falling asleep your relationship is not in trouble David Clow a family therapist advises the couples that have issues with communication to hug each other it allows the partners to feel that their better half understands them even if they can’t express their feelings with words and at the very least even a 10 second hug is powerful enough to make your health better it helps your body to overcome infections improves your immune system reduces stress heat eliminates depression and now here are our bonus tricks on how to fight insomnia if you suffer from insomnia try to make a few changes to your lifestyle don’t drink coffee after about three to four pm wake up earlier don’t snack before going to bed buy some beautiful and expensive bedding it will help you to fall asleep faster don’t nap on the weekends we’ve all gadgets outside your bedroom door let some fresh air into your room take a hot bath before going to bed try not to work after 9 p. m. don’t print too much water before going to sleep here you go after implementing these recommendations in your everyday life you are bound to sleep like a baby how do you make sure your partner feels loved and understood what is necessary for an evening routine in your opinion don’t be shy share your ideas in the comments below by the way if this video gathers 60,000 likes we will tell you about the pitfalls of new relationships and how to avoid them so remember to hit 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Comment (14)

  1. Scrolling through the comments section I’m seeing a lot of “why am I watching this, im single”

    If your single now is the perfect time to watch videos on relationship tips and even read books about relationships & marriage. Watching or reading books on relationships is good for your self awareness and self development. You can learn a lot about your self from the absence of another person.

  2. Been married for three years. We never had any serious argument.
    Before going to bed we:
    1. Shower together.
    2. Brush our teeth together.
    3. Check each other’s social media together.
    4. Tell each other about the thing that the other did that pleases the other most during the day. Complement each other.
    5. If we have an argument no matter how big or small the problem is, before bed we talk about it and ending up talking about the first time that we fell in love with each other.
    6. We pillow fight.
    7. We massage each other.
    8. We tell each other “l love you”.
    9. We cuddle. Then we tease each other.
    10. We kiss and say “good night handsome/beautiful”.
    11. We kiss then sleep while hugging each other. (But it’s funny that when we wake up in the morning we are both lying on our backs.)

  3. My fiance and I are good! Intamacy is the key At night and in the morning Sexercise is the most important part of the day

  4. My wife and I have been doing most of these things for 29 years so they must work. Even when we are apart we have to talk on the phone before bed or neither of us will sleep.

  5. We always kiss and hug each other LOTS throughout the day and ALWAYS say I Love You as much as possible. I fell like this is one of the reasons we have been together 8 years. Kisses before bed, I Love You before we leave somewhere, and I’m always singing in silly ways to him 🙂 We have fought before bed a few times but we never stay mad for long. We’ll lay there for a while and end up caving in and saying I Love You and “I’m Sorry”. That’s SUPER important, as well as admitting when you’re wrong. I smiled through the whole video because it just reminds me of how good we are together. I’m very lucky.


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