What Is The Best Way To Treat A Narcissistic Wife?



The key here is to ask yourself some difficult questions about the quality of the relationship with your wife and make some distinctions. Is your narcissistic wife abusive? Does she have some narcissistic traits? Then turn inwards with honesty and answer these questions without justifying and/or making excuses for the actions and behaviors of your wife.

In the end, you need to decide if you are being subtly controlled, manipulated, and losing the essence of who you are in order to serve the needs and wants of another.

Many times we excuse and deny what is clearly abuse and is staring us right in the face. We become conditioned. Our vision and our version of reality is distorted.

Ask yourself the following questions:

Do I feel comfortable stating my opinions and needs without subtle threat, anger, punishment, and/or intimidation from my partner?

Do I feel controlled and make excuses for the behavior of my partner?

Does my partner call me names?

Do I avoid certain social events because I am afraid my partner will flirt, joke, or push the limits of what feels comfortable to me?

Does my partner accept responsibility for her actions?

Is my partner willing and able to negotiate decisions about finances, children, and other family decisions or is it “my way or the highway” mentality?

Does your partner recognize that you are unhappy or dissatisfied? If so, is he/she willing to take steps to change or alter her behavior?

Does she support my goals, dreams, wishes and encourage me in my work?

If you have children, is your partner a responsible role model for them? This means absolutely no violence (please note that pinching, pushing, twisting of arms is violence). Derogatory language included here.

Does your partner respect you? Meaning does she value your opinions, support you, share in the family responsibilities.

How do you deal with your “narcissistic” wife if she is not meeting the criteria above?

Acknowledge that the relationship is not meeting your needs and that your needs and wants are important.

Acknowledge that the relationship is toxic and unhealthy.

Acknowledge that action, on your part, is required.

If you have children, consider that your inaction will have consequences. Consider that you are worthy.

Take steps to untangle your needs and wants from the needs and wants of your spouse with the support of a qualified therapist.

Consider your options and prepare yourself.

Consider if you become defensive and guarded when you read my answer here making excuses, denying, and defending your spouse despite your honest answers to the criteria listed above.

All my warmest regards to you.

Lisa

Trusting Ourselves After A Toxic Relationship | Lisa J. Haskins

Facebook: yourlifeyourboundaries

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This answer originally appeared on this Quora question on Marriage Advice.

10 Ways To Deal With A Narcissist

Text version:

Oh We’ve all dealt with narcissism at one point or another in our lives whether from a co worker Family member friend or lover it’s a draining experience Leaving you emotionally fatigued and sapped of your energy Sometimes it’s easy to notice the signs and leave before getting hurt but sometimes There is a cost to leaving that we cannot or do not want to pay this is most common with parents and job opportunities It takes a whole lot of courage to make these different relationships work Despite urgent feelings of needing to run so you don’t get hurt However there are steps You can take to help you cope with the narcissists in your life and keep your relationships in as much ease as possible Identify the type of narcissist you’re dealing with Researchers have categorized narcissists into two different categories grandiose and vulnerable Grandiose narcissists have incredibly high self esteem believing themselves to be superior to everyone else They are the stereotypical narcissists that people think of when they hear the word narcissist Vulnerable narcissists have low levels of self esteem high levels of insecurity and tend to compensate by focusing only on themselves This means they have self absorption and self centered tendencies Once you know what kind of narcissist they are you can change your interactions with them to keep your relationships healthy? Grandiose narcissists are wonderful helpers with your goals if you give them an important job and praise their work often Vulnerable narcissists need constant reassuring that they’re doing a good job And you’ll need to be sure not to accidentally offend them in the heat of a moment While it can be difficult or frustrating To think about where people are coming from or why they are the way they are it is key to helping you feel for them There are always more events in a person’s history that has affected them more than they let on figuring out someone’s backstory And why they lash out the way they do can also help you handle their angry outbursts and regain patience and tolerance While it is important to find out what the person is coming from it’s equally as important to listen to your own feelings and thoughts What actions and behaviors of theirs bothers triggers or hurts you what goals do you have pertaining your relationship? And how are you willing to push your past feelings to maintain it? after you take a look inside yourself and Evaluate how you feel you can figure out where to draw the line and form boundaries and where to push forward and cope with your Feelings in the end this experience will teach you a lesson about yourself and how to handle yourself in times of distress Not like any other person narcissus require a gentle touch when communicating with them It won’t be as honest and open as with others nor will it be as straightforward They may get defensive quickly But this is because of insecurities sensitivities or lack of empathy they might have Be careful not to let things backfire on you as you’ll end up in a direct conflict Which is never fun and was never your intention Communicate as gently as possible without Compromising your own values and recognize if and when you should gently step back or put your foot down as long as it is done respectfully If and when you put your foot down to draw some boundaries between you two be prepared to face the consequences No matter, how gentle you were in laying down the law they will take it as a direct attack and treat it as such depending on the person and situation they may or may not end up resenting you it is important to remember in this time that this is part of the process and You may not be being treated well enough by them You are not someone who obeys them all the time But it is better to recognize your own needs values and limits than to compromise them for someone else While humor isn’t called for in some situations it might just be your saving grace Finding humor and a narcissists behavior may help you cope you can also call out their behaviors with a smile or a light joke Remember to choose your time and carefully so as to not accidentally offend them and make the situation worse Choose to keep humor to a minimum in moments of high stress anger or distress however when a Narcissist does something naturally and without thinking if you point it out in a light hearted manner it is more likely to be well received listened to and potentially corrected Depending on how close you are to the narcissist you may have to decide if they need more help than you can provide in order To maintain or regain a healthy relationship with people who are close to you your best friend lover or family member Keeping a distance doesn’t always feel like an option Many psychotherapists are trained to help with this disorder and can help them and you remain healthy and happy Remember that loving them sometimes is not enough and needing professional. Help is okay Remember to see the positives this person obviously has positive qualities, or else you wouldn’t be trying to maintain your relationship Focus on the good qualities and the reasons why you want to make things work when you feel overwhelmed or stressed? Integrate this into your plan so you can enjoy the most out of your relationship For instance if you know a certain place or situation that may trigger them avoid them to the best of your ability The same goes for conversation topics if you know of a subject that gets them going steer clear of them and talk about something else Go out to places you can both. Enjoy yourselves and talk about things you both like talking about Always remind yourself of why this person holds great value to you and that no one is just their disorder Lastly it is most important to accept them while it may feel like you’re walking on eggshells at times It is important to remember that nothing they are doing that hurts. You is intentional It is not that they do not want to see things from your point of view But it is that they are unable to you must accept that you will never have an equal relationship with this person if you choose to maintain your relationship with them This is all up to you as no one can tell you what to do But you cannot expect them to change just for you and instead you must change your outlook and strategies to keep them in your life If you choose remember that they are more than their disorder That’s all from us. That’s like to go What do you think about these coping mechanisms be sure to subscribe for more tips on living a healthy life..

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Comment (19)

  1. You’re a fool if you tip toe around these types of evil SOULS, best to have a backbone and just kick them out of your space, or life.

  2. It took me a long time to end my relationship with a former friend who is a vulnerable narcissist. I was miserable around them. Everything was about them, and how special they were, and how the world was against them because of it. I felt bad for not wanting them as part of my life because they were so insecure and acted like they needed protection all the time. But I don’t regret setting up boundaries and eventually removing them from my social circle. It wasn’t my job to feed their ego.

  3. These videos are awesome because they help us understand why people act the way they do, instead of just getting angry at them all the time.

  4. Honestly the best way to deal with them is to get the hell away from them and never look back. That should be the only way to go about it.

  5. No! People don’t stay with Narcs because they have some ‘good qualities”.!! These people have targeted us and are using us. They are always scheming. They will never change.. In the case of Narcissisits, They Are Their Disorder.

  6. Just stay away from them….no matter how much you are trying to understand them, or respect them, they don’t care, they Will try to find a way to use you or manipulate you how much they like. And they will LITERALLY get offended by ANYTHING. And they are doing this on purpose. So, just stay clear of them. And even though it is a personality disorder, it is no excuse to let them do whatever they like and to you just “trying to be respectfull” YOU don’t have to change for them and lick their asses; THEY need to change, get some help and take responsibility for their actions. I know you ment well, but I disagree with you and so do majority of the people who had had relationship (mother, father, husband etc.) With a narsisict.

  7. Ok
    I read enough comments and I had enough……..

    …. I know how it feels to have to deal with a Narcissist…. My brother was one, and he tortured me through out my Childhood. I legitimately lived with my bully….

    I also lived with another Narcissist not too long ago that ruined the living arranged me and others had because she was unreasonable, irrational and always thought about what benefits them. They will only help if they benefit from it, and could never take ownership of their wrong doings.

    BUT….. As someone who, they themselves, struggles with a form of Personality Disorder….. Some of these comments are down right Disgraceful and Hurtful!

    Narcissist, or people who suffers from NPD i should say, aren’t evil, manipulative peeps that others keep smeering, They are Sick. Mental Disabled individuals who’s actions are, mostly, completely unintentional, and not every person with NPD Are these disgusting, terrible people that other’s describe.

    I understand the Trials of dealing with someone with NPD, especially when they refuse to get help…. but just because you had a bad experience with a few of them, doesn’t mean ALL Of them are Despicable….

    …..

    …. I’ll just end this rant with this Scenario…….

    Imagine being a person suffering from NPD. Imagine coming across this video out of curiosity and you decide to read to comments, just for the hell of it….

    Now, imagine still being that person with NPD…. and imagine how Absolutely Horrible it must feel to read a bunch of peeps saying “Stay way from Narcissist. Narcissist are Bad People and deserves Nothing. They are Manipulative, Evil people!”….

    …. do you realize the Harm you are causing these already hurting people!?

    NPD Is not a Choice, it’s a hidden Illness that can Destroy the person suffering from it…. and i wish people would understand this, along with other Mental Disabilities…. instead of smearing us, and making us seem like Monsters…

    We. Are. Not. Our. Disabilities!

  8. You don’t need to be “respectful” when setting boundaries with narcissists. They have absolutely no regard or respect for you or your boundaries.
    You can never”not accidentally offend them”, They will always be “accidentally offended”.
    Narcissist will not go to therapy. If they do, they will only get worse. There is no treatment. lol

  9. Hope you guys find this video helpful! Have a great week! Also, we have a favor to ask. We’re looking for help share our videos on social media. If you have a large network, could you promote us? If you did, let us know! We will be eternally grateful! The more people that these content reach, the more we are improving the world!

  10. Y’all are endangering people, by telling them to “see the good” in a nacissist.
    Whatever good you may see in those people is just a facade.
    If you stay around them, it will be at your own risk and peril.

  11. I have dated a narcissist. It’s pure hell, exhausting, and too much damn work! They have no empathy and it’s all about “me”. Avoid it at all costs. It’s not worth it trust me

  12. Sometimes you gotta just cut them out. I don’t bother with narcissists usually as they can be very selfish and draining.

  13. NOPE. You give them nothing. People who truly have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, do not care about you and will not do anything for you unless it benefits them or hurts someone else for their pleasure. No matter what kind they are, their motivation is the same, and they like to manipulate and put others into uncomfortable situations. The best thing to do IF YOU HAVE TO deal with them to lessen the abuse they will try to inflict on you is to use the gray rock technique. This literally means, you are as interesting to them as a rock. So, if they ask you how you are, no matter what is going on, you tell them that things are going well and are very vague. Never giving them any ammunition about you or those you care about, as it WILL be used against you. Any emotion they can get out of you is like blood to a vampire. They will never change no matter what they say. They want to tear you down to the level they truly feel. The best way to deal with a narcissist? DON’T. Even “family”. If you weren’t related to them, would you have anything to do with them? If the answer is no, act accordingly. You owe them NOTHING. Also, saying that they aren’t hurting to intentionally is a load of crap. They know exactly what they are doing. Please do not tell people this misinformation. Going to the therapy with a narc is not going to end well. They don’t think there is anything wrong with them, they will turn the therapist against you. They are scary. STEER CLEAR!

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