What Happened To Intimacy | Relationship Marriage Advice Videos | Rhigh Thrive Coaching – Official
What Happened To Intimacy | Relationship Marriage Advice Videos | Rhigh Thrive Coaching – Official
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hey everyone mark Johnston here with a high threat coaching here for the thriving marriage today we we’ve been looking through some of the posts we’ve been looking at questions that people have been asking and we really you know trying to pay attention try trying to pay attention to what you guys are looking for and so this week we’re talking about intimacy you know what happens to intimacy within a marriage you know I see a lot of people a lot of couples struggle with this you know over time they they start to lose that intimate part of their relationship they start to grow further apart and it’s really helpful to understand why that is before you move on to fixing that problem so as always with any of these if you have questions if you have something that you want to ask me while I’m doing the this live stream please feel free to comment and let me know what’s going on and I’ll try and address any questions you know towards the end of the stream so just want to start off with you know just so that we’re on the same page here you know I know a lot of people when they talk about intimacy they you know they’re really talking about one type of intimacy in that physical intimacy but really you know what intimacy is all about it’s about how open and closed that you feel to someone else you know like I said many people think of it okay this is it’s about sex but there’s really lots of different types of intimacy you might have that physical intimacy and you might have that emotional intimacy or unique you might even have like an intellectual intimacy um people usually treat each of these different types a little bit differently maybe you and your partner are very feel very close when in regards to spirituality and you guys can talk very deeply and very openly about that but maybe it’s really difficult to talk about your emotions or how you’re feeling or the problems within the marriage or maybe you’re able to talk about those feelings but for one reason or another you’ve lost that physical component I do think that a lot of times what does happen what tends to be missed you know when people are saying okay we’ve drifted apart it is usually a specifically about this emotional intimacy the inability to come together to talk about how people are feeling to talk about concerns or problems without it devolving into some sort of argument or issue and I’ll be honest the the the number one common problem that I see in most people the talk with me is this inability right here to talk about these concerns everyone that hi Bryce hi Suzanne so yeah like I say me when I see trouble couples that problem with emotional intimacy is oftentimes the culprit not able to talk not being able to talk about problems can you know if you just sweep everything under the rug down the road eventually it’s gonna build a presentment it’s going to build up anger it’s going to cause all sorts of issues down the road but you know of what I want to talk about here specifically is what happens how how do you get from this point where you are really close you can talk about just about anything to the point where you feel like you’re leading separate lives so we’ll get into the reasons in a moment but just to explain it just some a little bit further and this is going to make sense as we get into these the reasons is that intimacy is all about trust it’s about the ability to be open and vulnerable take some risk with someone else and for that that vulnerability to be treated well and absolutely the opposite is true is when that vulnerability that risk that openness is read I did or treated poorly is when we start to lose intimacy but there’s different things that get involved here different ways that this this comes about you know first and foremost you know that that very open rejection you know when you as an individual you feel like okay I’m gonna open myself up whether that is you know you you’re going to your spouse wanting you know and asking for some physical affection or some emotional connection you feel like okay Here I am and I’m I’m wanting something positive here I want to connect with my partner and when that’s rejected that absolutely starts to erode that trust it has that subsequent effect later on that as you continue to put yourself out there and to continue to make those requests and those rejections continue to happen you start yourself pulling away and it begins the cycle you pull away and you reject your partner more so they pull away and they reject you more and the intimacy starts to defeat in a way like I was saying earlier that when you lack that emotional when that emotional intimacy starts to fade away and he stop talking about problems you start you stop resolving those things and resentment builds up this absolutely can start to erode that intimacy I mean let’s imagine if you approach your relationship here and you are any amount of resentment what’s the likelihood that you’re gonna be understanding that you’re gonna be open that you’re gonna be trusting that you’re gonna be accepting of your partner it’s really really difficult and the catch 22 here is that opening up you know the solution you’re opening up and talking about concerns actually require some amount of intimacy but if you you know if you had that to begin with then we wouldn’t have this resentment it it just kind of feeds in on itself so that resentment once again you pull away because you have that resentment your partner pulls away and we start having that loss of intimacy but sometimes is even not about the the overarching the big picture here sometimes it is all about in the moment you know a lot of times there are certain filters that we have over the conversations that we have with our partner for instance if your partner your husband or wife has had a bad day at work there’s stress that was involved there if they you know if they’ve been having problems with their boss and feeling rejected there there might be all sorts of things going on kids stretching kids stress from work stress from personal life stress from other relationships and this is going to come out and the ability to feel close to your partner and usually when I coach people through repairing intimacy you know it’s it’s I usually go through and try that and identify with my clients okay what are some of the filters that might be going on in some of these conversations are there other things from outside of the relationship affecting this conversation right now absolutely this is something that can contribute to this loss of intimacy as stress builds up and people sometimes have the reaction of retreating further into themselves so we’ve been talking here now almost 10 minutes about all the ways that intimacy might die off and everyone I’m seeing more people are popping popping in Jeffrey Anthony arena how are you doing like I said before if you have questions let me know and let go okay so we have all these reasons that over time intimacy tends to fade away so what do you do about it you know for the sake of time we can’t know completely in depth but like I said earlier if intimacy is all about trust and it’s all about you know and Trust is built up as you know a person is vulnerable as they’re open and that vulnerability that risk is rewarded the path back to intimacy the path back to trust is a very similar path you know it’s almost like the opposite path of how it was lost in the first place in other words if you want to build up that intimacy again if you want to build up that trust it requires someone to be vulnerable and to have an open discussion about how to treat that vulnerability now if both of you are involved in the process it’s usually fairly straightforward if not easy maybe maybe not easy approach but it’s usually straightforward and it involves slowly opening up slowly slowly being vulnerable and more and more so and then helping their partner understand how to treat that vulnerability there’s all going to be all sorts of steps along the way to get there but absolutely a intimacy can be built up it’s not something that just magically happens it’s not something that just I mean yes it might happen naturally but it’s not you know once it’s lost you can take the slow road and let it come back naturally over time or you can actually make a concerted effort to and in a concentrated effort to rebuild that closeness and intimacy in your marriage now if you all want a head start on trying to rebuild that the intimacy we do have a free offer you know this is ways to increase intimacy in just a short amount of time it’s just a quick guide I’ll leave the link in the comments here and it’s just you know a few suggestions on our you know from us on how to rebuild this or how to build up this such an important part of any marital relationship the I suggest that you guys take a look at it let us know if you have any questions and yeah that’s what we’re here for so if you guys have any questions now or if you think of any send us a line or drop a comment in the comment here come the comments section of this video we do like to keep an eye on this and it gives us some inspiration sometimes for future videos future live streams so let us know how we can support all of you alright thanks for watching once again this is my name is Mark Johnston I’m a high thrive coaching have a good day..