How Do I Make My Husband Happy?

My cousin and her husband were visiting us for a few days. As they were making themselves comfortable and I was entertaining them with some chat while helping them settle in, my husband returned from work.

“Hi everyone,” he said. “Sorry, I don’t feel so good, so I’ll hide upstairs, just in case it’s contagious.”

I was concerned.

“Oh!” I called after him. “Do you have a fever? Please check your temperature! Shall I make you some tea, or Coldrex, or anything?”

“Nah, thanks,” he replied, passing by, “I’ve got this. I’ll check the temperature as soon as I get upstairs.”

And he went to the bedroom.


My cousin’s husband looked at me as if he’d just seen the second coming. “Wow,” he said, “that was unbelievable. I haven’t seen anything like that. You actually offered to make him some tea?”

I was baffled. “Yeah, so?”

“No one would have ever bothered to offer me any. The last time I had a headache, she,” a nod at my cousin, “said, ‘the head ain’t the ass, bind it and it’ll pass’.” (Or, in the Russian original, ” – , , .”)

Yeah. That’s the kind of idiomacy my cousin has always had a knack for. I glanced back at her, unsure if I should be embarrassed at this revelation of his. She wore a poker face. Of course she’d said that, and of course she wasn’t bothered by it. Apparently it was the norm in their family.

I felt for him a lot at that moment. My cousin’s husband is a good, kind, hardworking man. He should deserve good, loving treatment. To see him astonished at seeing that there are women who actually treat their husbands with care and kindness was heartbreaking. And here I thought that my remark to my husband was a totally normal, regular thing.

Actually, it made me understand even better why my husband tells me so often that I make him happy.

What makes a husband happy, you ask?

Be kind to him, treat him with care and attention, and he’ll bring you the moon and the stars for that*.

* – probably not entirely applicable to husbands with deep emotional issues that make them incapable of gratitude and empathy.

This answer originally appeared on this Quora question on Marriage Advice.

Five Simple Things That Make A Husband Happy!

Text version:

and the researcher named Shahid found Han who’s written quite a few best selling books like for women only for men only anyway she is a Harvard trained researcher and she went out and she did this huge bit of research to narrow down she did anonymous survey so that husbands and wives wouldn’t know what to eat each other responses they could answer it and always feel comfortable answering the questions and she found out who were struggling couples who were moderately happy couples and then who were highly happy couples that both the husband and wife both anonymously you know didn’t have to be concerned that their spouse would find out how they answered they both said we are highly happy highly happy in her marriage and then she took just those highly happy couples and she just asked them a ton of questions to figure out what makes them tick and she found 12 things that they all have in common all these highly happy couples and I thought well this is interesting because obviously they figured out some stuff and the first one I’ll pack in a little bit more detail but highly happy couples regularly do simple things that matter a lot to their spouse highly happy couples do simple things that matter a lot to their spouse and this really lines up with first Corinthians 13 you know the love chapter where it talks about being kind and that’s really what this is about it’s just being kind if you know your spouse is touched by these little simple things you just do them because it’s kind and of course you want to know well what are these things so she figured out again doing this huge sampling of couples she found out that husbands say the top five small daily things their wives do that matter a lot oh girl and these not I don’t know that they’re a priority order but these are the five things notice his efforts and sincerely thank him for it now how much does that cost to anybody nothing how much time and energy does that take not much and yet this matters a lot to husband’s that you notice their evers and you sincerely thank them okay we’ve learned that already here at squadron of sisters that’s been something we’ve really taken to heart but it matters to them okay another thing say you did a great job at fill in the blank whatever in the fill in the blank is but you just simply say to your husband you did a great job mowing the lawn you did a great job when you were you know playing with the kids today they were just so tickled that you went out shots with them or whatever you did a great job at the next small daily thing is to mention in front of others something he did well mention in front of other people something he did well you know it’s kind of amusing to me is that we’ve touched on all these things that squander of sisters but their research is saying this is it but both this is what you should do is love it and what men love that if you can say just drop something if I could say that Raul fixed the hot water heater in front of you guys he is just like yes next time he’s here I’m just gonna mention that if this morning you know I just go number four again this is a smooth they said small daily thing I’m hoping it doesn’t have to be literally daily but anyway show that you desire him sexually and that he pleases you sexually so show that he desires you sexually that you desire him sexually and that he pleases you sexually and this is a big deal we’ve talked about this before here that men secretly want to be your sexual hero I know but some kind of corny but they really really do so I’m not saying necessarily this seems to be a daily habit although they wouldn’t argue nor do they like by daily twice daily or whatever but but you can do to stop right but you get the drift that this is really important to a guy it makes it feel more like a man and and it isn’t just that you’re like willing because because that is not actually a very big turn on for a man it’s that you desire him sexually and that keeps pleasing you so keep that in mind and then the fifth thing again these are supposed to be small daily things make it clear in them that specific things he does makes her happy specific things he does makes her happy so whatever the thing is I mean you know oh it made me so happy when you did that oh thank you for doing that oh I just so appreciated that oh that made my day you know whatever the thing is today we had a little talk on the way over here because my husband probably like some of your husband’s is a driving maniac I just think it’d also be driving maniac kind of husband that every time he gets in the car to race anybody really he’s the only one yeah you guys you know what I mean I mean it’s like strategic you know why are those people not meddling they should be meddling make it move over later like oh my gosh I was like I said I was so tired of listening to all this you know stuff about you know y’all have the people in front of you it and he turned around and looked at me he said I don’t drink I don’t do drugs I don’t look at pornography I don’t last I don’t cuss and and now you’re saying that I am not perfect enough for you because I sometimes get upset you know driving and mic but you know that was he kind of you know I needed to hear that I need to be thankful for all those things that he’s doing right instead of people another one thing and don’t we sometimes focus on the one thing okay just stop I mean really in the scheming that getting impatient driving whoop dee doo right so be happy show appreciation for the things he’s doing right..

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Comment (18)

  1. When my husband and I were in the early part of our relationship, he told me this: “Men are simple creatures. Feed us, water us, give us sex every once in a while, and make us feel needed.” I agreed with his statement except for one thing. I told him that I didn’t want to make him feel NEEDED and explained my view on this issue. I told him that I didn’t NEED him. A child NEEDS a parent to provide them with the necessities of life–physical as well as psychologically and emotionally. I have a well paying career and can support myself. I didn’t need his money, house, or car. I have supportive friends and family as well as hobbies that I enjoy. What I thought (and still think) is that it was important that I make him feel WANTED. I’m not talking about making him feel wanted in the sense of how I lusted and desired him sexually (which is also important). I’m talking about making him feel that I just like being around him. That I simply WANTED to be around him because I liked HIM; his sense of humor, his intelligence, his ability to make friends, and many other qualities. In essence, I simply WANTED to spend my time with him. I just WANTED to be in the room with him. He thought about what I’d said for a few minutes and then said that he had never thought of it that way. He, along with most men, are conditioned to believe that being NEEDED is more important than being WANTED in a relationship. True love and intimacy grows out of just LIKING your spouse as a human being, not being needed for something. I wish more couples understood the difference between needing their partner and WANTING their partner.

  2. Her response and the look on her face @ 3:22 says it all. If the wife doesn’t desire her husband, then simply going through the motions will cause even more harm.

  3. I strongly disagree with… “you did a great job mowing the grass”. That is tantamount to patting him on the head. A better way is to wait until you leave together to go somewhere and say, hay the yard looks great.

  4. Wow i wish my wife would be like this! It’s not about cooking or cleaning, it’s about these things! Men want to feel wanted and desired!

  5. From an old mans’ point of view: Materialism is the biggest problem with women. They always want what they don’t have and once they aquire it there is another material item to want. Every woman I have met lives an unhappy life because of being materialistic. If only they would appreciate the blessings in their life. Then they would be filled spiritually and be content.

  6. My wife is wonderful but since going through menopause she has no interest in sex.
    I told her more than a few times I wish sometime for no reason at all that she would just take me by the hand and lead me to the bedroom. Or just whisper in my ear that she wants me.
    Maybe in my next life.

  7. One out of five…the fourth thing. One she did not mention is “Don’t make your husband’s eardrums and brain numb with your constant talking.” That is FAR more important than the other four things she mentioned. He will tune you out as a defense mechanism. And then you will complain that he does not listen to you. If you said fewer words to him, each word would count more. Does that make sense?

  8. The same women that moaned when she said “show your husband you want him sexually”, are the same women that would not understand why their husband had an affair and boo Hoo to all their friends. In case they still can’t figure it out……It’s because you are not WANTING too have good sex with your husband!!!!! Let him go or do what it takes to keep him. Simple enough?

  9. Whats this? It sounds like they actually care if he’s happy. I thought western women only perceived husbands as cash machines and someone to complain at.

  10. My wife is the exact opposite of this. In fact she goes far beyond being the exact opposite of this. Throughout my adult life I keep thinking to myself things will get better just keep on keeping on. I live by that little saying in all aspects of life and it works. However I have finally met my match with marriage. My wife completely changed two weeks after our marriage and she literally is the exact opposite of all the things that were mentioned in this video. I work hard, I’m a Christian man, I love my kids, I never sit on my butt around the house blah blah blah. I’ve never given up on life or my faith but she has me pretty darn close. I wish she could somehow come across this video. I probably pray 20 times a day for her to become a kind person again. I never ask for prayers from anyone but I do ask anyone reading this to pray for me and my marriage.

  11. ladies want to keep your man happy
    at least once a week
    get him off
    feed him and
    give him some time off so he can do what he wants without you no questions no nagging

  12. This is completely at odds with the malevolent forces of modern feminism, that of simply acknowledging and celebrating masculinity instead of tearing it down.

  13. Had to watch to see if you were close. You nailed it! Single here due to most of the women not getting it. I’d rather be single than have a nightmare for a wife. God bless!


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